


King Emrys

by Gtech1904



Series: Kingdom of Emlet Adventures [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), King Merlin (Merlin), Royal Merlin (Merlin), noble merlin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:27:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 27,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22157026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gtech1904/pseuds/Gtech1904
Summary: Almost two years have past since Arthur found out about Merlin’s magic and everything is going well. Except, Merlin has one of his funny feelings.
Relationships: Gwaine & Merlin (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Kingdom of Emlet Adventures [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1594885
Comments: 33
Kudos: 72





	1. Funny Feeling

Hurriedly pulled strings, clapping, and laughter echoed around the room. Swishes of colorful fabric and loose hair joined the chaos as the song got faster and faster but the dancing kept its rhythm. Shouts rang out and spilled wine and half eaten food as the night wore on and the more drunk others got. 

Grinning, Merlin waited till the song was over and a slower yet still upbeat song played before he left the chamber. They were celebrating the second year of Emlet’s rise and Merlin couldn’t believe it had been so long already. 

He silently pushed the doors open and breathed in the cool night air, relishing in the silence. A hand landed on his shoulder, making him jump as he turned to look who had joined him. 

It was his mother, who’s cheeks were flushed from either dancing or drink, it could have been both. She had a smile on her face and Merlin couldn’t remember the last time she looked so happy. Her dress was a gentle gold with white lace at the top and her hair that was neatly pinned up before the party had mostly fallen out with the quick rush of the steps from dancing. 

Merlin sent his own gentle smile as he watched her sit with some difficulty, so he sat with her to help steady the descent. She rested her head on his shoulder and Merlin inhaled deeply as he smelled the familiar and calming scent of the peppermint she drinks in her tea with the underlying smell from his childhood, honey. 

“What are you doing out here?” His mother whispers, trying not to disturb the peace. 

Exhaling,”I don’t know. I had to get some air,” he knows she isn’t satisfied and can tell he’s keeping something from her. He inhales again, as if to gather courage for what he knows she will ask. 

“What is it really, my little bird?” and Merlin caves at his mother’s old nickname for him. He had hated it growing up, but he wishes she never stopped calling him it for many, many years to come. 

“I... I feel like something’s coming. Something bad. Everything has been good for over a year, not great, just good, as everything has settled down now with the ban gone. I just feel like the world his to tip one way or the other. Either something great can happen or something very bad,” he’s been having this itch for a month now and it’s growing steadily to where at first he didn’t notice it till all of a sudden this prick of unease showed itself. He doesn’t know what it could mean, and it has unnerved him. 

His mother doesn’t answer for a while and he thinks she might have fallen asleep and as he turns his head she speaks,”I think, you need to listen to your instincts. If you feel that something bad is on the way, prepare, but do not let it guide your every waking day,” she strokes his cheek and Merlin leans into the touch,”Pull some strings, see if any of your royal friends have heard anything,” tone teasing slightly as Merlin has gotten to know the kingdoms around him. Merlin smiles, kisses her forehead to which she gives a breathy laugh. 

“My little bird, you would have figured it out on your own. Now, help a mother who raised you for over twenty years to her room,” his mother huffed as she tried to stand only to sway on her feet slightly and sit back down. Laughing, Merlin got up and pulled his mother up with him, letting more than half her weight rest on him as he took her back inside and to her room. 

Glancing back at the hall on his way back down the stairs, he saw the party slowly dwindling down from the early hours as the new day makes an appearance. Passing a few of the houselves, he asked for one of them to find Gwaine.

“If he’s in the middle of something, interrupt him anyway,” Merlin answered to the elf as her expression changed at her task. He ended up promising she could help Hunith with something later, which seemed to appease the elf as she disappeared. 

He crossed the east wing of the castle to get to his study to find a grumpy Gwaine muttering to himself as he paced. Merlin closed the door harder than necessary to gather the knights attention. The man jumped and rounded at the door with his hand on the hilt of his sword, tense and ready for a fight. Once the scene processed in his mind, Gwaine relaxed. 

“Merls, this better be good. I was just about to win a wonderful amount of coin to spend on mead,” Gwaine’s words were annoyed but his eyes roamed his body for any outward sign of harm. Merlin hummed and sat in his seat as the knight waited for his to say something. 

“Have you heard anything from Percival recently?” Merlin asked as he bit his lip. Gwaine after giving a face of confusion shook his head. 

“Arthur?” 

“No, Merlin. What’s going on?” Gwaine asked as he sat across from his king. 

“I don’t know. A funny feeling, I suppose you could call it,” Merlin answered hesitantly. Gwaine for his part groaned,”Come on, Kilgharrah would have mentioned something, right?” A little tinge of desperation, wanting nothing to go wrong for just a week, was that too much to ask?

“He might be a thousand years old, Gwaine, but he isn’t all knowing. I learned that the hard way,” so, too much to ask. 

“Alright, so what do you want to do?” Knowing Merlin has a plan and stepping into his role. He used to think Leon had it easy as first knight, but as the year ticked by, he knows it’s harder. From keeping track of patrols, to recruits, to a wayward king that tends to disappear, Gwaine would never make fun of the head knight of Camelot again. 

“Double the patrols, and increase the lookouts on the borders. Make sure to stock the food supplies, as discreetly as possible. We don’t know if anything would happen as of yet, and I don’t need panicking civilians,” Merlin ordered and Gwaine nodded with pride. Merlin had come far in a year, listening to his heart and mind as he made decisions, he still listened to all advice and evidence he got but didn’t let others rule his final orders. Gwaine was happy to call his king his friend and brother in arms. 

“Of course, right away,” Gwaine bowed and turned to leave before stopping. 

“Merls?” Getting a hum in reply,”what do you think we might be up against?” Merlin didn’t answer, which was answer enough for Gwaine. 

He shut the doors and calmly walked to give his orders. After all Merlin said discreet.

————————-

Merlin sat in his chair with a sheet of parchment in from of him, absently rolling his quill in his hand. He had decided to message Queen Annis first as she had some of the best spies. 

After all he only caught the ones in his kingdom because of his wards. It was how they met, actually, Merlin had journeyed after sending a scroll to announce his impromptu visit. She took it with grace and Merlin handed her spies over and had her impressed. She offered a peace treaty that included keeping one spy in his kingdom and Merlin was allowed the same. Of course, she didn’t call them that, more so ambassador, but a spy was what they were. 

Merlin finished the request, sending it out as a magical paper bird. He then moved on to Arthur and a few surrounding kings and queens that he found he could trust the most. 

He would have to wait a few days before they responded as they tended to use non magical ways to deliver their responses.


	2. Talk about feelings...

Merlin received word from Annis a few days later as he was walking to the dragons keep. The rider had dropped it off, leaving as quickly as he came. He continued on his path as he opened the letter. 

King Emrys,

While my spy’s have reported little, movement in the north brings trouble. I would like to tell you more, but as written letters are never quite secret, I request you come for a visit. King Arthur has made his way here already and requests his wish for you to join us. 

Queen Annis 

Merlin breathes out, finally getting an answer he could grasp. 

“What is it?” Cosmina asks, having bounded over as he sat near the entrance to the cavern. 

“Hopefully answers,” Cosmina nods letting her rather large head rest on his thigh as he runs his fingers through her mossy mane. Keerthi comes around the corner tackling his slightly younger sister, lurching Merlin forward on top of both dragons. 

“Keerthi!” Cosmina yelps, but she’s laughing as she helps her father up and extinguishes the spark of flame that keer had let out, burning the parchment slightly where it was now blackened. 

“Sorry, father,” Keer mumbles and Merlin laughs it off with a no harm done. 

“Have either of you seen Kilgharrah?” Merlin muses as the two settle around his form. He had been meaning to talk to the giant lizard, but hadn’t the chance with the feast and fretting over arriving letters. 

“No, but I heard him talk about finding his final resting place,” Cosmina chimes in, happy to offer any help she can. Merlin thinks she might be his favorite, but he would never tell the others, as her kind nature reminds him of his mother. Her patience outlasting, making her good at healing, even if the healing arts of dragons is different from humans. 

“His final what?” Merlin gapes as her answer catches up to his brain. Resting place?! He knew Kilgharrah was old but he thought he would have longer with his only remaining tie to his father. 

“Oh, he said not to worry, if you asked. He still has a few years before he stops talking in the riddles he so loves,” Keerthi replies, having guessed what his father’s panic had been about. 

Breathing a sigh of relief Merlin let’s his tense shoulders relax. 

“I’ll be leaving for Caerleon tomorrow, Annis has news,” Merlin added as an afterthought. Both baby dragons perk up.

“Can I go with up this time?” Cosmina asks. 

“No way, I never get to go anywhere, everyone’s gone to Camelot but me!” Indignant, as he gives a draconic pout. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, but you have too much of a habit of lighting things on fire, Keerthi. Next time when I go to Camelot, I promise you can come along,” Merlin says feeling slightly guilty, but he had promised Arthur after he had seen the dragon accidentally light Arthur’s hair on fire that Keerthi wouldn’t go without full control of catching his body aflame. 

Cosmina has a smirk on her face thinking she would get to go but Merlin was quick to shut that down, while she was sweet she wasn’t suited for the colder climates. Keerthi had snickered and Cosmina swatted him with her tail. 

Sighing, Merlin stopped them both in their tracks before things got out of hand because while Cosmina had patience she had a vengeance just as long and Keerthi would end up setting the place on fire. Again. 

“Behave, or I’ll sick Hunith on you,” Merlin threatened, properly frightened, they backed away from each other slowly, glaring, and sitting a meter from each other. Shaking his head he knew it would be the best he would get. 

“Aibek!” Merlin called hoping the smallest of the dragons would be back from her hunt. A gleam of almost metal shifted and Merlin knew she had been napping, preferring to be awake at night, opposed to every other member of the royal family. 

“Aibek,”he called softer as he crouched down beside her. Wide grey eyes met his, sleepily, before she yawned, stretching, and the sound of chafing metal sounded. 

“How would you like to go to Caerleon with me tomorrow?” Merlin whispers so the two dragons still glaring daggers at the other don’t hear. She nods and promptly drifts back to sleep. Chuckling, he rubs down her spine, making her purr in her sleep as he finds just the right spot between the blades of her metallic scales. 

Quietly, he steps away, wishing the troublemakers a good morning, and starting towards the gardens. 

He stays silent as he passes members of the court and scurrying elves on their way to help this person or that person. He passes through the public gardens that have blushing women smiling at their company, and some just strolling by themselves, he walks past giving a nod to those who acknowledge his presence and continues to the private garden for the royal family. 

The magically kept garden has flowers of all colors blooming, from red roses to a gifted orchid from a foreign king from across the channel. The garden supplies the herbs for the kitchens and the court physician, Alice, and for some spells he has found. The bushes have been cut to resemble angels and dragons with a fountain centerpiece much like the one in the courtyard, but instead of a mermaid, a statue of a couple sits together who seems to be having a conversation with someone. 

He walks forward, recognizing the pale blue and gold dress from this mornings breakfast. 

“Mother,”Merlin calls once he’s sure she can hear him. She jumps and she whips around to face her son. She puts her hands on her hips and he knows he’s in trouble; he ducks his head. 

She huffs but doesn’t say a word about it. 

“Merlin, what are you doing in the garden?” She looks worried, and Merlin hates it. 

“Would you believe me if I told you, looking for you?” He tries, kissing her temple as she swats him away, laughing. 

“I might have, if you had not given yourself away,” she teases, and gestures for him to sit with her on the rim of the stone white fountain. 

“Now, what’s happening?” Sometimes, he’s surprised by her intuition and others times he isn’t, this is not one of them. 

“I will be going to Caerleon tomorrow, Queen Annis brings news, along with Arthur’s presence,” he chews his lip as she stays silent. Finally, she sighs,”I wish you did not have to go,” she sounds resigned and Merlin pulls her into a tight embrace. 

“I won’t go if you don’t want me too,” but he finds the words empty, and so does mother, they both know he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he didn’t figure out what was going on. 

“No, we both know you’ll drive yourself mad with worry. Ever the mother hen,” she teases and Merlin gives a small smile as his mother ends the hug, but keeps him in arms reach. 

“Now, what about Guinevere, any news about the baby?” His mother asks, but he knows she keeps in contact with Camelot’s Queen. He and her write as often as possible but with them both busy it would be weeks before they got around to responding to each other. It seems mother has more luck. 

Still, he shakes his head, he rather hopes the baby is a girl as he would love to spoil his little niece. Besides, he thinks, Camelot could use a Queen as a ruler for once. A boy would be fine too, of course, he will love them unconditionally no matter what. 

“I heard she’s only a few months along, plenty of time for your children to be close in age, no?” His mother asks, and he knows she means well but she has been harping on for months now, even Arthur thinks he should settle down, and he knows his people wouldn’t object to a queen, nor a baby. But he can’t help but think, will he outlast his own wife, child...children, if he had more?

He takes his mother’s hands in his, squeezing tight, which she returns.

“We’ve talked about this, mother, I’m not ready and everything that’s happening now, I don’t have the time,” imploring her to listen. 

“No, listen here, good and well Merlin. I have listened and now it’s my turn to talk, I think you are afraid,” she squeezes his hand and rubbing her thumb over his pale knuckles, knowing she was at the root of the problem. Still, Merlin didn’t interrupt. 

“You are afraid to open your heart, because of who you are, what you are” he ducks his head but his mother gently tips his chin up, forcing him to meet her gaze,” but Merlin mine, it does not define you, Emrys is many things but if you are afraid of yourself, your not living,” she kisses his forehead, getting up to leave but Merlin grabs her wrist and pulls her into one last bone-crushing hug. 

“Thank you,” he whispers, though he doesn’t know why quite yet as her words haven’t fully settled into their meaning but he knows what he will be doing the rest of the day, he won’t be able to focus on anything else. 

He waits until his mother is fully out of sight to summons Torry, his house elf.

“Yes, Emrys?” Appearing with his familiar pop. 

“Tell Gwaine to gather a small group of trusted knights, and be ready to head out for Caerleon tomorrow at dawn,” he asks and Torry bows and he’s once again alone. 

He dips his fingers in the cool water, aimlessly swirling the water as his mind drifts. The truth is he’s lost himself, scared of his own shadow, of what he could become once everyone he loves has left him. As Merlin, he’s expected to uphold his kingdom, but he has friends to share the weight, but as Emrys, he’s the most powerful sorcerer ever, a creature of the old religion. He’s this larger than life figure, told to children as a savior to magic, the villain in others stories. 

It seems silly to be afraid of the future, if he didn’t know he was immortal he wouldn’t fear it, he knows he would live his life to the fullest, safe in the knowledge that he would join his loved ones in Avalon. But, he does know a bit about his future, and if he gives his heart to someone and a product of that love was made he didn’t think he could live with the depression he would surely feel. 

But he knows his mother is right if he fears losing those who are not even in his life now, he will not be living, just surviving, a wayward soul trapped in the world of the living. 

He lets his imagination run wild of whether he would let his would be child take over once they were of age or if they wouldn’t want the responsibility and he would continue to rule for a century, unafraid, surrounded by those he can still love. It’s a more comforting thought that he will revisit, after he settles whatever is happening in the North.

The rest of his evening is spent wandering from the gardens to the market, where he buys a pear to munch on, not planning to head to the castle for an evening meal. His people cheer and shout out greetings as he passes and he find connecting with them settles his mind and his magic, and just because he can, he lets it loose. 

He feels the warm tingle of a consuming flame under the whole of his skin as his body radiates power and the air becomes statically charged. People stop and stare because this is Emrys, with the gold so pure that you could hardly look him in the eye, with magic limitless it takes one’s breath away. 

A breath released and sparks fly and explode high in the sky and butterflies of blues and cream are created out of nothing as children try and catch them. Figures of smoke make animals of myth and star dust sparkles and settle in hair, making them glitter in the afternoon sun. The crowd is breathless after the display fizzles and disappears as fast as it started, they stand in awe of their king, it is the sight that greets Merlin as he comes down from his magical high. He flushes sightly but nods and walks away, leaving whispering in his wake. 

He knows Gwaine with tease him endlessly once he finds out, but he finds he doesn’t care, he will take the teasing for as long as he can.


	3. Begin...

Merlin groans as the curtains around his bed are drawn and the sun hits his face. Torry scurries around putting down breakfast, laying out clothes, and putting the last of his things in one corner of the room for Merlin to put in his pocket dimension. He figured he could give the horses a break from carrying the extra loads to only the human kind. 

Merlin pulls the covers back and gets up to sit in the chair that’s in front of the food. Torry snaps his fingers and the sheets are removed and sent to be laundered and new sheets make themselves. Merlin watches absentmindedly as he finishes and goes to get changed. He’s in practical riding gear with his cloak around his shoulders as the comforter is pulled on top of the plumped pillows and the decorative ones on top of that. 

He opens the dimension and Torry moves from the bed to the chests and places them in. Together, they walk out of the room and toward the courtyard to find Gwaine, and other knights that consist of Sirs Tors, Kay, Garett, and Lady Mira, recently knighted after saving his life. Merlin had created a coin that opened a separate pocket dimension for his most trusted knights, telling them as a closely guarded secret that was not to leave their mouths, so that they carried no stuff. It looked strange the first few times he had left the kingdom but had become the normal to his people. 

“Come to join the party at last?” Gwaine teases and has Merlin rolling his eyes as he greets Eclipse, as winged horses would have them arriving by the second day, late into the evening. 

“Get any new material, Gwaine?” Merlin mocks as he heaves himself onto the saddle. Gwaine grumbles something unintelligible under his breath, following his king’s lead onto his horse. The others take it as their silent cue to ride their own mounts. 

A sharp whistle from Merlin has them enter a canter as the horses beat their wings, steady as they leave the ground behind. Merlin gives a whoop as he waves to the citizens below that he can see pointing as they climb higher. Gwaine joins with his laughter that echoes with the wind. 

“So, Lady Mira, how does it feel to fly!?” Merlin asks, voice raised to be heard from the back of the group. 

“How far away are we again?” She asks in response, tone breaking slightly with nerves. Merlin laughs and doesn’t answer. 

“Oh, Merlin! That reminds me of the time Kay was on SilverBane. Remember, he was so arrogant he didn’t realize they had a mind of their own and she flew upside down!” Laughter cutting in between as he struggled to finish the story. Merlin grinned at Kay’s flushed cheeks as he glanced at Mira who giggled. 

“Such a tease, Gwaine,” Merlin said in mock-disappointment. 

“That’s not even the best part!” Gwaine pronounced. Kay looks pleadingly at Gwaine who grins. Mira leans forward so as to hear better along with the other older knights, Tors and Garett. 

“Leave the lad alone, Gwaine. You’ll traumatize him,” Merlin says as he shakes his head. His eyes held mirth and Gwaine grinned as he recognized the look. Kay, unawares, has a grateful expression that has Merlin feeling a little bad about what he’s going to do, but Kay had put itching leaves in his clothes and Merlin had been waiting for payback. 

He nudges SilverBane’s connection and asks his favor. He can tell by the gleam in her eye that she will play along. As Kay continues to stare at Mira, which is a little creepy but who was Merlin to judge, he is unprepared for SilverBane twisting her body to be inverted. He loses hold of the reigns and falls a meter before Merlin puts him out of his misery and floats him back on SilverBane. The party is laughing and in between breathes he says,

“It happened a bit like that,” It only increases the laughter by Kay’s complete look of devastation and utter betrayal. 

The evening passes with jokes and stories, mostly trying to embarrass the other. Merlin doesn’t bother with serious talk yet as they have no new information about what’s happening in the North. Besides, he’d rather keep them lighthearted for the inevitable string of bad luck that seems to taint his soul which keeps him on edge. He knows the sun will set in an hour and can tell they are all ready to take a break.

He lets out a whistle and begins the descent to the forest floor. Gwaine shouts a “Finally!” and the others sigh with relief. Merlin can’t say he’s much better as his back is stiff and his thighs are numb. They had been following the dirt road that connects Emlet and Caerleon and easily touched down as the horses’ gallop turns into a canter, trot, until finally they are able to safely stop. 

They all separate to do their assigned duties, Mira unpacks everyone’s sleeping bags, Tors collects firewood, Garett settles the horses, Gwaine finds a stream nearby to replenish their water, and Merlin prepares the food. He concours a ball of light for each incase it becomes dark before they finish. 

Merlin settles on the rabbit that Keerthi had caught for the occasion and Merlin didn’t have the heart to turn away. He skins and cleans the rabbit with magic and sets to making a soup. He grabs vegetables of carrots and parsley and some of the spices he snuck from the kitchens and into one of the saddle bags from his pocket dimension. Gwaine finally returns with water so he can put everything in the pot after he cuts the ingredients in squares and Tors has returned with an enchanted bag of firewood. 

The meal is done in no time and they sit around the fire as the last of the light leaves. They make Mira do the dishes as tradition as the newest. She sends a rude gesture that has Gwaine in stitches as Kay’s face flushes. Obviously, he was rather innocent in the minds of women not being dainty, Merlin had learned the hard way and he planned on never forgetting, his mother could be right fierce. Merlin volunteers for first watch as he sets up wards and knows if he gets woken up after he has already been asleep he won’t be able to return to it. He gets no protests as the others gratefully sink into their makeshift beds. Only, Gwaine stays up too. 

“Where’s Aibek?” Gwaine opens with but Merlin can tell it only a passing question, only to start for what he really wants to ask. 

“She’ll come later, she had an errand to run,” he answered vaguely as he stitches the last of the ward together. Gwaine hums and nods distractedly. 

“What are you thinking about?” Merlin asks softly as he sits on the bed beside Gwaine. Gwaine doesn’t answer, but his furrowed brows let him know that he at least heard. 

“Is this about the North?” Merlin asks, he can’t help but too. Gwaine sighs and shakes his head. That’s a no then. 

“I can’t read minds, Gwaine. I’ve told you,” Merlin prompts. 

“A damn shame too,” he hears Gwaine mutter but he waits for the man to collect his words. 

“Do you think we’re right in this?” He finally says and Merlin’s own brows furrow. 

“I thought this wasn’t about the North?” Confused. 

“It isn’t,”

“Then what are you talking about?” 

“Never mind,” Gwaine says as he goes to lay down but Merlin puts a hand on his arm, effectively stopping him.

“No, tell me. You can’t just say something like that and expect me to let it go,” Merlin pleads, he’s not above it when his friend won’t tell him what’s bugging him. 

“Shame that is,” Gwaine responds, but it’s not meant maliciously. 

“You’d get bored,” Merlin attempts and gets a half smile in return. 

“What’s wrong, your never this serious,” biting his bottom lip with worry. Gwaine huffs a laugh. 

“It’s more to do with me than us,” he speaks slowly and Merlin wish he would hurry up so he could understand. 

“Remember the story I told you went we first met?” He starts of with and Merlin slowly nods, trying to puzzle what it has to do with anything,”he was a knight for Caerleon, remember. He always told me ‘Trouble never comes alone.’”

“What does this have to do with anything?” Not comprehending the situation. 

“What I’m saying is, I got a letter from my mother,” 

“But isn’t that great?”

“No, I haven’t seen her since I left her, Merlin. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that it happened now, either,” Merlin searches Gwaine for anymore hints but gives up. 

“Do you have the letter?” Gwaine nods his head and pulls it out from under him pillow. 

“The letter was scrambled, hard to read, like she was in a hurry. It has nothing of importance,” shaking his head as he looks over Merlin’s shoulder to reread it. 

Merlin reads and Gwaine was right, nothing sequential, nothing but bland news about the ten years or so that they have not seen each other for. Merlin lifts it closer to the fire to read the chicken scratch when ink starts to appear in the empty space. 

Only, it’s one word. 

Laura

“Does this mean anything to you?” He asks Gwaine, who has his mouth open. Merlin snaps his fingers in front of his friend who regains his motor function. 

“No, I don’t think so,” shaking his head before a yawn escaped his lips. 

“We’ll figure it out in the morning. We won’t be any use to anybody without sleep,” Merlin orders and Gwaine goes with little fuss. 

Merlin can see the bags under his eyes from possibly days with little sleep over the vanilla letter from an absent parent. He sits his back against a tree waiting for time to tick by as he wonders who Laura could be. If Gwaine didn’t know who his mother could be talking about, how would they find her. If she was in a hurry, someone could be after her and Merlin doesn’t think he can take the stress from everything going horribly wrong all at once. 

Because Gwaine’s father was right, Trouble does not come alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have figured out what I want to do about Morgana thank you for your opinions.  
> I find that comments and questions about the next chapter tend to push me to completing them. Don’t abuse it but sometimes I need the push.


	4. Arrival

Arthur has been training with the knights of Caerleon when a page vise for his attention. He waves the lad over and he rushes. 

“The Queen would like to inform you that King Emrys is to be arriving,” 

“Thank you,” the boy reads the dismissal and Arthur turns to grab his knights. They head to their guest chambers for a quick bath and a fresh change of clothes. By the time they head to the courtyard, Queen Annis is waiting on the stairs. 

“Annis,” Arthur greets. 

“Arthur, I was wondering if you were to join us,” Arthur clears his throat and can see the mirth in the older women’s eyes. 

“Yes, emergency I’m afraid,” he makes up. 

“I’m sure,” voice sprinkled with humor. 

“Oh, look. There he is,” Arthur nods in the direction that has specks in the sky getting closer. Annis thankfully turns her attention to the sky and Arthur follows. 

Arthur is just a bit annoyed that Merlin has to be so dramatic in his arrivals. I mean flying horses! Shaking his head slightly, he can see that everyone has their eyes on the advancing group with awe. Arthur can’t blame them, the group is a sight to behold with a midnight black alicorn at the head, a stark contrast to the baby blue and cream cloak wrapped around pale features. 

Gwaine is slightly behind Merlin’s right, while a woman is on his left, she must be a lady friend of Merlin’s. Oh the teasing he could do. Behind Gwaine and the women is Sirs Tors and Garett, he had met them last time he had visited Emlet. They touch the ground with speed, further down the stonework, until they peter out at a safe distance from the castle steps. 

Merlin unmounts first, the others synchronized in their descent and Arthur is a tiny bit jealous, he wonders if they rehearsed beforehand or if they simply work that good with each other. Idly, he notes that Merlin is wearing a cream shirt with black trousers that highlight his contradiction of a body. 

Merlin steps forward with a nod to Queen Annis first, as customary, then to Arthur. 

“Well met, Emrys,” Annis greets.

“Merlin, please. We have known each other long enough,” 

“Very well, ...Emrys,” Merlin gives a little huff but he’s smiling and Arthur has to wonder how often he visits to have jokes with her. Jealousy rears its ugly head at his friend and he clears his throat. 

“Frog in your throat, Arthur?” Merlin asks, head tilted in mock innocence. 

Bristling he answers, ”No,” but the mocking words he had, have left him and he flounders. Gwaine claps him on the back, not even attempting decorum or to hide his snort. 

“Right princess,” he mutters and Arthur shoots him a glare. When he turns from the side Annis and Merlin are all ready in the doorway as they speak in hushed tones. He wonders why he even bothered to show up if he was to be ignored. 

He stalks inside trailing after the two, he can’t catch their conversation but he knows it has something to do about the North but he doesn’t know what it is. He’s never heard of such a place, if that’s what it is. He wonders if Merlin has or if Annis is the only member privy to the information. When they finally stop he only catches the word Laura before Annis is asking for them to dine. 

Merlin agreed and Arthur is quick to say yes as well when Annis raises a fine brow at him. Merlin excuses himself as he meets up with his knights as they are shown to the guest chambers. Arthur does the same as he waits for the message that food has been prepared. 

With nothing else to do he paces the length of the room, he’s sure to have worn the stone floor out but can’t sit still long enough to care. When a knock resounds, he jumps and opens the door to the same page, he says that dinner is to be served. Nodding, he steps into the hall and follows the boy. 

By the time he gets to the smaller dining chamber, Merlin is already there but thankfully it looks like he just sat down. 

They share greetings and servants have filled their goblets and set down the plates. They served venison stew and manchet bread. Starved, Arthur started right away but still slow enough to be proper. Merlin hadn’t touched his food and Annis had taken a few bites as she looked at Merlin. 

“Annis, what’s happening in the North?” Merlin asks, and Arthur can see the worry as his eyes show determination. Arthur knows he won’t eat until he gets answers and Annis seems to know too. 

“My scouts report movement, but not much else,” Merlin looks a little mad at Annis and Arthur can’t blame him. She had him come all this way for little to no information. 

“Yes, I know that,” Merlin says, he’s grinding his teeth but Arthur can’t tell if it’s from the anger or from his wince that goes noticed by both royals. Merlin rubs his temples and Arthur settles for asking his question while he can. 

“What is the North?” The two turn their attention to him and Arthur feels like fidgeting when Merlin blinks owlishly at him. 

“It is uncharted, wild lands, said to be brought from a different dimension. Magic runs through it and as such it falls under my domain,” Merlin answers and Arthur nods, it stands to reason he wouldn’t of heard about it. 

“Have you been there?” Arthur can’t help but ask. 

“No, but I asked for Annis’ help in seeing what lies behind the ward,” finally he takes a bite of the bread and Arthur hides his smile. 

“Yes, they have said that Morgana has been seen trying to enter,” Merlin stops mid spoon raise at her name and Arthur holds his breath. 

“Are you sure?” Merlin asks, a little panic he couldn’t control coming with his words. Annis nods solemnly. 

“She hasn’t found a way in. And why she would is another question,” Annis prompts. Merlin doesn’t say anything and Arthur doesn’t interrupt, this isn’t about him. 

“I don’t know, not much rests in the North. She won’t find allies there either,” Merlin speaks aloud. 

“My thoughts exactly, Emrys,”

“Merlin, I heard you speak of a Laura. Is she a lady friend?” Arthur teases to get the dreary mood to lift slightly. 

“No, Gwaine got a message from his mother,” and leaves it at that. 

“So, who was the lady you were with?” Merlin chokes and coughs the wine that he had swallowed as he tries to regain control of his breathing. Arthur grins. 

“Lady Mira, she’s a friend. I knighted her,” and now it’s Arthur’s turn to choke on his drink. 

“You knighted a women!” Disbelief evident. Merlin doesn’t look impressed, Annis less so, “ not that there’s anything wrong with that,” he tries to appease. 

“She’s very skilled, Arthur. Just because she’s not as strong doesn’t mean she cannot fight,” Merlin scolds and Arthur feels like sinking in his seat. 

“I apologize,” he says through gritted teeth, he can tell by Merlin’s face that he knows it’s half hearted. He just can’t see it. 

Merlin’s face goes from disappointed to an expression Arthur knows very well. 

Merlin excuses himself and is rushing out the door. Arthur turns to face Annis who has a fond smile on her face and Arthur knows he feels the same, even if that look is nothing but trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much but I am working on the next chapter so hopefully won’t have to wait forever.


	5. Interpreted Letter

Once Merlin’s out the doors, he sprints through the halls he knows almost as well as his own or Camelot’s. The guards give him curious looks but have known him long enough to know his eccentricities. Arthur has given him an idea about Gwaine’s letter. 

Without preamble, he throws Gwaine’s door open with a bang, startling the knight as he eats his own dinner. 

“I have an idea!” He grins, rifling through the room to find the parchment. Gwaine shakes his head and pulls out the letter from thin air. 

“I think it might be coded,” Merlin exclaimed. 

“Coded?” Gwaine says, expression dubious. 

“Coded, you know information to sensitive to be in the wrong hands. She must have something important to tell you,” Merlin reasons. Sighing, Gwaine agrees to look it over. 

“Laura could be anything. A pseudonym or part of the message and not the code breaker,” Gwaine states and Merlin’s mind rushes to look at all the options. 

“Maybe...maybe,” Merlin mumbles as he paces the room. Spinning on his heel he faces Gwaine. 

“What about misdirection. It wouldn’t be that uncommon to put the letter near light to see it. Maybe it doesn’t matter,” Merlin grumbles. Gwaine just looks lost and Merlin feels a little guilty but he sits instead and taps his fingers on the table. 

“Say it is irrelevant, say it’s coded, how do we decode it?” Gwaine humored. 

“That’s the question,” Merlin answers, looking at his friend. Grettir had shown him different ciphers and codes that he would need to use as king, he just had to go through them all until he found the right one. 

Instead of worrying, Merlin opens the letter rereading as he mentally deciphers it, one at a time. It’s tedious, and Gwaine has already gotten bored and left to hack at a dummy target. 

Rubbing his eyes he lights the candles in the room once it gets too dark. A knock sounds from behind the door and Merlin flicks his wrist to open it, not looking up or he will have to start all over. A plate is set down beside him and he blinked owlishly before returning to the message, he’ll eat once he finishes this. 

He mumbled a thank you to the servant, who he assumes is a servant until a hand landed on his shoulder and startled him into looking up. Up, into Arthur’s Cerulean blue eyes. He bangs his head on the table once he realizes he lost track of the code and will have to start over, groaning and cursing Arthur. The worst part was that he was almost finished, but it didn’t make sense as it was letters placed randomly. He supposed that meant it wasn’t it. 

“You have the absolute worst timing. Did you know that?” Merlin grumbled, chucking the quill on the table and crumpling the parchment with the random letters. 

“No, I think that’s a first,” Arthur smiled, feral. Scowling, Merlin brushes the hand off his shoulder. 

“Well now you have,” Merlin snapped with only a little heat, still upset he hadn’t found the correct cipher. 

“What are you doing?” Arthur asked, sitting down as if he owned the table. Prat. 

“Figuring out a coded message,” Merlin reluctantly answered, like pulling teeth. Arthur stayed silent for a moment and Merlin mumbled to himself as he started to try another attempt. 

“Are you sure it is a code? It could simply mean what it says,” Arthur reasoned. Yes, Merlin had thought of that. By Gwaine’s mother hadn’t been in contact with her son for over a decade, how would she know where he was. And why try to connect again after so long? Merlin said as much to Arthur. 

“Maybe she’s dying, Merlin. It would be any mother’s wish to see her child one last time before she passed,” Merlin shook his head. The letter said nothing about such things. 

“That wouldn’t make sense,” Merlin spoke aloud, getting a raised eyebrow in return, “The letter has nothing to do with where she is or that she could be dying. She didn’t even suggest him visiting,” Merlin reasoned to himself more than Arthur. Arthur shrugged, and Merlin knew he was stumped. 

Merlin let the silence continue as he decoded the letter anew. Arthur stayed, occasionally putting a fork to his mouth until he opened and chewed. Merlin would roll his eyes but obliged without looking up, eyes on the letter and mindlessly writing on an empty sheet of parchment. 

“Merlin...” Arthur said, voice wary. Merlin turned to face him as his eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. Silently, Arthur pointed to the parchment he had written on; Merlin followed his finger to see words, actual words on it. He read it aloud. 

_ Gwaine, _

_ I am sorry it has been so long but I come with a warning. What you didn’t know is that I am a seer.  _

Merlin’s eyes met Arthur’s in shock but continued on. 

_ Darkness can reign or light can prosper.  _

_ Light and Dark _

_ Love and Hate _

_ They battle; of mind; of body; of soul _

_ The witch can be an Allie or an enemy _

_ Emrys decides her fate _

_ As he decides the worlds  _

_ Gwaine, tell Emrys his true path has been taken but there is a fork in the road.  _

_ Choose right and light rules _

_ Choose wrong and darkness wins _

Merlin stares in shock by the end, Arthur having grabbed it to finish reading once Merlin stopped from the weight of the world settling more on his shoulders. 

“Merlin,” Arthur calls softly. Merlin’s body starts but not his mind and he rushes into Arthur’s arms. He feels Arthur’s hesitance as he slowly accepts the skinny thing attached to him, curling his arms around him. Merlin doesn’t know when the tears fall only that they do and are silent, slowly dripping out of his eye as he hides his face in the crook of his best friend’s shoulder. 

He feels Arthur awkwardly rubbing his back and finally releases his vice like grip after what seems like an hour. 

“Sorry,” Merlin whispers in the too quiet chamber. 

“It’s okay, Merlin,” Arthur says as he shifts in his chair. Merlin knows Arthur isn’t completely comfortable with emotions, even after marrying Gwen, but he’s glad he’s trying. 

“Do you think she means Morgana?” Merlin asks, once the silence stretches for too long. Merlin knows there’s hope in his voice, I mean Gwaine’s seer mother just said there was a chance to save Morgana. He tries to squash the hope but it doubles in force every second Arthur stays silent. 

“Maybe...” Arthur settles on and Merlin gives him a quick hug, just to give himself the strength to hold onto hope. He doesn’t know of any other witch born with magic who turned to the darkness but Morgana. He desperately wants his friend back. 

“Get some sleep, Merlin. We can continue tomorrow,” Arthur says as he drags him out of Gwaine’s room and pushing him in the direction of his own.


	6. Panic

Merlin grumbled towards his room until Arthur was out of sight, turning around as soon as his magic sensed it was clear. He sought out Gwaine with his magic at the same time; finding him on his way back to the guest quarters. He entered Gwaine’s chambers for the second time, deciding to just wait for his first knight. 

When Gwaine finally reached his room, barely able to close the door before Merlin blurts it out. 

“I figured it out!” Gwaine jumps and puts a hand on his heart. 

“You really have to stop that, Merlin. I don’t think my heart can take it,” Merlin waves him off, it’s not like Gwaine hasn’t done worse to him. Wordlessly, Merlin hands the decoded parchment to Gwaine watching his expression while biting his lip. Gwaine’s face morphs from shock to sorrow, to a carefully blank face. Merlin can tell it’s probably because she only wanted to pass on the message. 

“She did write to you, in the original Gwaine. I know it’s not the same but she did write,” Merlin rambles, he knows he wouldn’t mind if a letter from his father was to warn someone else. At least he would have something other than a distant memory. Gwaine has something that one ups him, something physical of his mother, words and not a dragon figurine. 

Don’t get him wrong, he loves it, it sits on his desk, but words spoken of love can sometimes go further than the action or gift. 

“Yeah, yeah. I know,” Gwaine gives a strained smile and Merlin gives him a quick hug and a small smile he hopes is reassuring. 

“Goodnight, Gwaine,” Merlin whispers, making for the door, but his hand stills on the open door frame as Gwaine whispers a thank you. He doesn’t turn around, he heads out of the hallway and closes the door. Merlin takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, blindly leaning again the door, taking a moment to compose himself. 

They will need to go to the North tomorrow, but he can’t move. Exhaustion taking hold as the nervous energy has left him. He fights to open his eyes and stand straight, to walk to his chambers at the end of the hall. He had declined the royal chambers preferring to stay near his knights. Finally, he musters the strength, makes his way to the wonder that is Caerleon bedding, but nothing could compare to the magically perfect mattress’ at home. He gratefully sinks into oblivion, letting his worries wash away. 

A mix between a sob and a scream shakes Merlin out of his nightmare induced slumber. The vase of flowers shatters and Merlin starts from his paralyzed state. He tries to muffle the sound of his crying, but finds it difficult to breath and can’t seem to rationalize that putting his hand over his mouth won’t suffocate him. Quick flashes replay in his mind. 

Tears running down his face

The dream escapes his memory beyond that and he fights to remember what had caused his restless sleep. He shudders and pulls the covers closer, grateful for putting up the silent wards the last time he was here, having had a recurring dream he hoped to get answers. He blinks the sleep from his eyes, knowing he won’t be going back to sleep and wordlessly relighting the fire. He moves to stand, feet padding onto the floor as he sits up, shivering from the frozen stone. He quickly makes it to the window seat, watching the night sky, counting the stars and finding the constellations he knows. 

His mother would tell him of the stars often when he was small, having loved the stories that accompanied them. He didn’t know if she made them up to entertain him or whether someone had told her. His favorite had always been Pegasus, having his mother tell him the story behind the constellation. His mother, as well as he, had been fascinated by others beliefs and their culture whenever a foreigner would stay for the night, telling their stories. They had their own faith manly in the triple goddess but they couldn’t exactly do anything with magic a death sentence to even be mentioned. 

Sighing, Merlin leaned against the wall pulling his knees to his chest as his breath fogged the window, crystallizing in the cold slightly. He didn’t know how long he stayed by the window remembering his mother’s stories about the constellations he could see. Despite being beyond tired his eyes hadn't even fluttered as if to close and before he knew it, it was morning. The dawn making her way, burning his eyes. 

Shakily, he stood, putting on his clothes as quickly as his sleep deprived mind would allow and reaching the top of the parapets to watch the remaining sunrise. 

Long black hair

Pooling on the ground

Merlin gasped as another part of his dream drifted to the forefront of his mind and he steadied himself on the cool stone. 

Morgana

He was holding Morgana in his arms

A sob tore out of his mouth as he realized Gwaine’s message dredged up his betrayal of poison. He sunk to the ground, sunrise forgotten, and he let the rock, rough and chilled, ground him to the present. He pushed the heel of his hands in his eyes, stars reflecting back as the betrayal in her eyes settled behind his. 

He couldn’t breath! Trying to drag in breathe but his lungs protested and he felt lightheaded. Why had he come here? Where was he? Why couldn’t he breath? He clawed at his chest, fingers gripping his nightshirt under his robe. Black spots entered his vision but he could care less. 

“Merlin!” A voice sounded but it was so far away he didn’t pay it any attention. 

“Merlin,” a speck of brown entered his field of vision, or it could be more black. Bark wood eyes forced what little vision he had left to focus. 

“...can...tou...you?” He couldn’t make out the words and shook his head. A sigh could be head but he clawed at his hair once his chest felt raw and chaffed. 

“...lin!” Merlin focused back on the eye, a rough bark shade that he couldn’t help but like, soothing as he focused on the Earth instead of his trouble to breath. 

“Can I touch you?” The voice asked as Merlin greedily took gulps of air barely getting it still. Numbly, he nodded still taking shallow but longer breathes. A hand touched his shoulder, warm and calloused and Merlin breathed a little easier. 

“You alright, Merls?” Gwaine, the voice was Gwaine, asked. He nodded and leaned his head on Gwaine’s shoulder, who had moved next to him, back against the wall. 

“What happened?” He called softly, but Merlin would be a fool not to see the command that it wasn’t a request. 

“I had a dream about what I did to Morgana,” not meeting his knights eyes, he had told Gwaine one night whilst drunk, which didn’t happen often, but it was enough for Gwaine to demand all the other things he felt were his fault. 

He had spilled his guts about how he had not followed his heart and stayed silent when she asked for help, scared about letting her know his secret, about taking the wrong advice. How he believed he had lead her into Morgause’s waiting arms. 

Gwaine said nothing that night, he didn’t offer to comfort or try to get him to believe it wasn’t his fault because Gwaine knew him, maybe too well. He knew Merlin wouldn’t believe him and he knew nothing could take away that guilt. 

“Annis was asking for you,” Gwaine says after a time. Merlin jumped up, cursing, and sprinting down the stairs back to his quarters.

“Your welcome!” But Merlin ignores Gwaine as he hurries to be presentable before meeting Annis. He sticks with a baby blue shirt and black trousers, stuffing his feet in black leather boots as he hops around his room, collecting his sword and knives as he does so before he is finally ready. He sprints down the halls till he reaches the council chamber with Arthur already present. 

Arthur gives a smirk behind the Queen and Merlin oh so wishes he could scowl but wouldn’t dare with Annis in the room, besides they have more important things to discuss. 

“What news?” He asks. 

“Morgana found a way in, we have a spy watching her but he hasn’t reported back yet as of this morning,” Annis answers ignoring the fact that he is late and his hair is a rats nest. He can see Arthur’s slightly stunned face for not being called out and he inwardly smiles a smug smile. He combs fingers through his hair, attempting to tame the skewed hair, he may have gotten off the hook this time, but any longer and Annis would snap. He didn’t particularly like it when she did. 

Nodding,”I was planning on riding out tonight,” Merlin reveals, Annis raises an eyebrow but otherwise stays silent, while Arthur look like he has been slapped. 

“Tonight, are you sure that’s wise? Why not wait until the day?” Arthur asks and Merlin tries really hard not to give him a condescending look as he is ignorant in many things regarding magic still. He can’t keep the little bit of it from showing. 

“The path changes every night, the only way to find it is by the glowing, which is only seen at night,” Merlin may have lied about the glowing as it wasn’t so much glowing but the increase of a suffocating amount of magic the closer they got, but for Merlin the forest did practically glowed with magic. He didn’t know anything else so who knows maybe it does glow. 

“Glow...?” Arthur repeats slowly, face dubious. 

“Yes, clotpole. Glow,” Merlin had already already hit his meter being annoyed with Gwaine this morning, toppled off with now, and lack of sleep, he bit it out rather harshly. Arthur raises a brow and Merlin rubs his face raw. 

“Sorry, didn’t sleep well,” Merlin mumbles and turns so he doesn’t have to look at Arthur’s concerned gaze. Annis has been silent through the exchange but nods. 

“I’ll have supplies ready then,” Merlin nods his head in thanks.


	7. North

Merlin rolled his eyes at Arthur’s complaining. Merlin knew it was dark and he kept tripping over roots, but it had to be pitch black in order to find the path, Merlin wasn’t having fun either, so Arthur can shut it. 

“Arthur!” Merlin snapped having enough of his whining, they hadn’t even been riding for an hour, “enough, you think anyone else wants to be out here,” Merlin had reached his tolerance for Arthur at the moment, the first few curses from the man had made him snicker as they led the horses by their reigns but now irritation had quickly replaced humor. 

It seemed to shut Arthur up for a few minutes before a string of curses followed a thump. Sighing, Merlin blindly reached out to Arthur, hauling him to his feet and gave a pat on the back as he continued forward. 

“This is ridiculous, Merlin. Are we even going in the right direction?” Merlin didn’t dane to reply, just trudged ahead, his magic guiding him to avoid the surrounding objects hidden from their parties sight. He ducked under a branch that Arthur somehow hit, making a loud smacking noise as it connected. 

“Honestly Arthur, I thought you were supposed to be good at everything. Your clumsier than I am,” Merlin teased, Arthur grunted and smacked the limb, effectively hitting Gwaine with the force. Merlin laughed as Gwaine gets frustrated and simply hacks the branch down. 

“Are we any closer?” Arthur interrupts. 

“I don’t...” Merlin sucks in a breath, cutting off his sentence at the increase in magic. 

“What...what is it?” Arthur hisses, poised for an attack. 

“I felt it, were going in the right direction,” Merlin mutters as he follows the breathtaking amount of magic that had suddenly showed itself. 

“Oh... so we’re just following you blindly?” Huffing in disbelief. 

“Better than following a horse,” Merlin counters. Arthur makes a strangled noise in the back of his throat and Merlin laughs. 

“You promised not to bring it up,” 

“You deserve it for your whining, your worse than the horses,” Arthur goes to smack him on the head but stops mid action as he spots something glowing ahead. Merlin had seen both and was already moving. 

They rounded the bend to find the forest glowing fluorescent greens and blues, pink and purples, and many other colors. The trees glowed from their bark to the tips of their leaves, the flowers and herbs around the ground were amplified from their original colors. It looked like they had entered a fairy dimension. 

“We have to keep moving,” Merlin announced, they didn’t have time to admire their surroundings, they had to find Morgana. The command seemed to spur everyone into motion as they doubled their pace now that they could see. 

By sunrise they had reached the edge of the border of The North. Crystals and ice formed a wall meters high, with no hope of climbing over. 

“What now?” Arthur asks, Merlin bites his lip and puts a hand on the ice, burning it but he kept still as the wall trembled, holding together until it causes his hand to bleed. 

“Merlin!” Arthur shouts, trying to pull his hand away but he shoulders him away. The wall parts behind his hand as it accepts the blood, slowly opening till it is wide enough for their company and horses to fit through. 

“We get to the other side and make camp, we need to wait for Aibek,” Merlin announces, there is no grumbling since everyone was tired and ready for rest. 

They make their way through and the wall closed behind the last knight, sealing them inside. They walk a while before finding an adequate camp site, everyone splitting duties to set up quicker. 

“Where have you sent Aibek?” Gwaine asks again, this time really wanting to know. 

“The Silent City,” whispering so as not to attract attention. 

“The Silent City, Merlin! Are you daft?” Gwaine hisses. 

“No, but Aibek is the only one who could get it. You will be thanking me when we need it,” dragging Gwaine further from the party,” don’t say a word until I say so, promise me Gwaine, promise,” eyes imploring the knight to understand. 

“Of course, Merlin. You know I would keep any of your secrets. You have good reasons when you do,” Merlin sags and gives Gwaine a brief hug before entering the woods to find more firewood.

“Thank you,” 

“Just don’t get lost!” Gwaine shouts at his back. Merlin grins but doesn’t promise anything. Just because he had never been physically to the North doesn’t mean he hasn’t been in other ways. 

It had been an accident as a child of five, projecting his soul to find an adventure in his sleep hazed mind. He had thought it a dream, his own made up realm of a world with freedom for magic with mystical creatures and impossible landmarks. A world to explore in his dreams. 

He had made friends with all manner of creatures, loving the chance to socialize since the children in his village shunned him. One could only have so many conversations with a seven year old Will before you exhausted all of your topics. 

He met Lords and Ladies, that spoke of a time he would be their king and would one day see them in his waking moments. 

He had not lied to Arthur nor Annis, just kept a few things to himself, to be truthful he had forgotten about the North after a time. 

_The bells tolled as he sat, now ten, at the high table with the Elven Lord._

_“Calm child, you have plenty of time to eat,” effectively halting the stuffing of his face. He got little food from the village and such flavors had him inhaling the food even after five years. He blushed, and slowed down, getting an amused eyebrow from the elf._

_“Farin? Why do my dreams take me here?” Once old enough to realize reality from his dreams, he knew this place was alive, but never understood why it took him here._

_“You have a great destiny, Emrys,” Merlin tilted his head, not understanding the title or the lord's words._

_“What do you mean?” Putting his silverware down to focus his attention on the elf._

_“It means, one day you will be a king, to many people, ours included, and I have faith that you will be a great one,” smiling down at him. Merlin nodded, but didn’t understand, he was a peasant, not a king, not even a lord. He didn’t know why Farin hosts him like royalty, along with the other lords and ladies._

_“Why am I special?” Looking at his plate. All his life he only wanted to be normal, not called a freak or a monster. He loved Will and his mother, loved Farin and his wife Feyla, loved this world, but sometimes the words cut sharper than his hope._

_“Because you are you,” gently lifting his chin so he was forced to look into the elf’s grey eyes. Merlin surged forward, scrawny arms wrapping around Farin as he buried his face in his shoulder. Farin hugged back as Merlin whispered a thank you._

_“Why the sudden questions, Merlin?” Voice soft and methodical. Merlin bit his lip, pondering what to say._

_“Some of the children in the village say mean things,” deciding to be honest. A shadow replaces Farin’s smooth features, scaring Merlin, wondering if he did something wrong, but the next second it was gone._

_“Ignore those who cannot understand you, Merlin. For they are ignorant in the beauty that makes life worth living,”_

Merlin had gone for another year before something blocked his attempts to reach Farin, and as time went on his mind reasoned it was the dreams of a child hoping to outlast the loneliness, but he never forgot Farin’s words. Never quite remembering where he got the words but knowing they held true. 

He flicked a wrist and the sticks and branches made a bundle tying itself with string as Merlin headed back to camp. He missed Farin now that he remembered, he had thought the Triple Goddess had repressed his memories until he became king, but had no proof. 

When he came back the camp was finished and everyone was waiting for the soup that was settled atop the empty stone circle. Merlin had his magic place the branches in the circle and light it aflame. 

“Where did you run off to?” Arthur asked. 

“Where do you think?” He was a bit hungry and ready to sleep. 

“Okay, I know what you were doing but I don’t know why it took so long,” replying dryly, Merlin smirked, knowing Arthur as hiding his worry. 

“I was thinking,” 

“That never works out for you, you should stop while you're behind,” Merlin flicked a stick at his stomach before grabbing another. 

“I was thinking if we meet with some of the lords and ladies here we can know Morgana’s movements better,” 

“I thought you said that she would find no allies here?” Head tilted in confusion. 

Shaking his head, Merlin replied,”I know what I said. She won’t find allies, not with the elves, they ran the North until I became King. They will not side with her,” Merlin announced. 

“But not everyone is loyal, Merlin,” Merlin huffed, he knew that, but elves were not humans,”Cheryth is my representation for the North on his council. The elves have no wish to fight, they do not meddle in the affairs of men,” he answered. Arthur only nodded and grabbed a bowl that was passed to him from one of the knights. Merlin nodded in thanks when he got his and let the young knight put a spoonful of the soup in it. 

“Then why put their loyalty in you?” Arthur asked, sounding nothing but curious. 

“I don’t know, I mean I’m not exactly human am I? Maybe it has to do with Emrys?” Biting his lip. He hopes it is as himself that they choose to follow him, but if it is because he is magic incarnate he supposed it was better than an enemy. 

“We follow you for many reasons, Emrys. But a title is not one of them,” the party whipped their heads around to find the voice that spoke. Merlin knew who it was, relaxing out of his battle stance. 

“Cheryth, What brings you here?” Merlin asked, prompting the others to lower their weapons. 

“Your signature alerted all elves to your arrival, Merlin. Welcome to Isyanore, or to you the North. I had volunteered to gather you to Nelrion,” giving a bow befitting his station. 

“You mean Farin’s lands?” Merlin asked in excitement, he really had missed the elf. 

Cheryth shot him an amused look and nodded. 

“Yes, he is rather excited to see you again,” Merlin beamed. 

“Who is Farin? And I thought you had never been to the North?!” Arthur’s voice strained. 

“I haven’t, not physically, at least. When I was a child my dreams would take my astral form to Isyanore. And Farin is the Lord that watches over Nelrion,” giving his best apologetic smile, he knew Arthur hated to be left out of the loop and this trip was nothing but missing links and questionable intentions. Arthur huffed, saying nothing but Merlin accepted it as the apology it was. 

“We shall leave on the morrow,” Cheryth announced, Merlin nodded, thinking it should give Aibek enough time to get here before the morning light tomorrow. Conversation stilted as more people yawned, going to sleep one by one till it was Merlin and Cheryth left awake. 

“Sleep Emrys, I will watch over you during the night,” Merlin nodded sleepily, gratefully to sleep after not being able to for over a day. 


	8. Nelrion

Arthur wakes to hushed conversations at a recently lit fire. He lays still as he recognizes Merlin’s voice. He normally wouldn’t eavesdrop, but Merlin seems to be holding back information, he doesn’t know another way to get it. 

“Aibek got what I asked of her. It’s safe until we need it,” Arthur struggles to keep still, Aibek was here, is she still? His thoughts are interrupted by Gwaine’s. 

“Just be glad she made it back alive, Merls,” 

“Believe me I am, I wouldn’t have asked her to go if it wasn’t life or death,” rustled fabric shifts as they hunch closer together. 

“What exactly did you get?” Arthur is curious as well, Merlin would never endanger his dragons. 

“Gloine nan Druidh” Arthur has no idea what that meant, Gwaine didn’t either by the sound of it. 

“It’s a stone, has healing properties, can remove even the darkest of curses. If Morgana was cursed by her sister maybe the stone can do something,” Arthur can scarcely breathe. Merlin thought Morgana was under a curse. 

“Why do you say a curse?” Gwaine asks him his question for him. 

“I don’t know, instinct. I had this dream, before we left of the stone, and a glimpse of Morgana before I awoke,” Merlin sighed, sounding like he had run a hand through his hair. 

“Like a seer?” 

“No, no. I don’t think so, it was almost like a message,” 

“A message from the Triple Goddess do you think?” Gwaine asks. Merlin says nothing and Arthur figures he might have nodded. Aibek comes into his line of sight, staring at him and he knows his rouse is up. 

Heaving a sigh, he sits up, drawing the attention of the two, who is actually three as Cheryth is sat quietly with the pair. 

“What are you three talking about?” Merlin raises an eyebrow at him, like he knew he was eavesdropping, but Arthur gives nothing away. 

“A stone,” Arthur nods, as Merlin narrows his eyes before relaxing, but his eyes never leave his and Arthur knows he’s been caught out. 

“And this stone's purpose?” Ignoring Merlin’s pointed look as he sits across from Gwaine. 

“Merlin?” He asks when no one answers. 

“We don’t know if it will work, we don’t want to get your hopes up,” Gwaine answers when it is clear Merlin will say nothing. 

“What about your hopes?” Arthur asks, eyeing Merlin. 

“My hopes don’t matter,” Merlin snaps, getting up from his seat as he heads to the woods. Arthur sighs, he didn’t mean to get under Merlin’s skin, but he needed to know. Know what though? He isn’t entirely sure. 

“Nice going, princess,” Gwaine says dryly, but his eyes speak of pity. Arthur has to look away from them and he waits until Gwaine has left to go after Merlin to focus on his retreating back. 

“You know, I believe you don’t want Emrys to hope for the possibility that the Lady Morgana La Fey is redeemable,” Cheryth states, making Arthur start, having forgotten that the elf was there. 

“Why would I want that?” Confused as to where the observation had come from. 

“You are callous with your words, biting when you speak of your half-sibling. There is sorrow, true, but you cannot see past the bad she has done. To not only your kingdom but to Merlin,” Arthur doesn’t say anything to that, breaking the stick he picked up with his thumb. 

The words are out there now, out in the open where he had dared not to. Cheryth had brought out his fears, because while he trusted Merlin, Merlin gave second chances to the ones who already had them and threw them away. He loved Merlin like a brother and Morgana can twist words like silk, make one believe she is her truest self before stabbing them in the back. He doesn’t, can’t, let anything happen to Merlin, his choice would always be Merlin over his sister. 

By the time Gwaine and a much calmer Merlin are back the rest of the camp is up and packed for their journey to Nelrion. Merlin coldly walks past him and he shivers as if the air has suddenly become freezing. Merlin raises himself onto his horse, his entourage following his lead. 

Arthur sighs atop his horse, his apologies falling on deaf ears. He doesn’t know why Merlin doesn’t accept them, but he can take a guess as his apologies are half hearted at best, he believes in what he had said, however cruel it sounded to Merlin.

It takes the rest of the day to make it to Nelrion, the closest city to the border. 

Nelrion is much the same as any kingdom’s capital, large and full of life. There is a castle in the center of the city, gleaming of polished marble, white as snow, with intricate spirals and symbols carved into it. The surrounding city is elegant and rich is color, elves moving to and fro, children giggling as they raise cloth attached to strings, lifted from the wind. Arthur sees as they enter the gates, there is no lower town, no poorer section of the city, only lovely cookie cutter homes, that have a personality all their own, making the houses unique and special but for the general shape. 

“Welcome,” Cheryth says as they enter the castle courtyard. There are two elves waiting on the steps, most likely the lord and lady Merlin was talking about. 

Merlin rushes down his horse, awkward yet graceful, and runs into the male elf. Arthur follows at a safe distance as Merlin steps back, greeting them properly. 

Arthur watches as they easily interact with one another, the conversation never stalling as they catch each other up on their lives. The female elf watches fondly from a step behind. 

She had white hair that fell to the middle of her back with intricate and simple braids and a tiara. Her skin was pale with her sharp cheekbones and grey eyes, she wore jewels on the tips of her ears, calling them to attention. She wore a peach colored gown with only petals covering her chest and Arthur had to look away because no way was that decent. 

Arthur noticed as they walked that while she was fair he was not. He was much like Merlin, hair as dark as the mid-night. He had one braid on the right and a golden circlet upon his brow. He wore golden robes that worked well with the peach of his wife’s dress. Arthur would have thought they were Merlin’s parents if he did not know better. 

“It has been many years since they have seen each other,” a voice says, startling Arthur. He looks in the direction the voice came in to find the lady. 

“Why is that Lady...” stopping when he realized he did not know her name. She sends a gentle smile, reminding Arthur of Hunith. 

“Feyla, and as to your question, something or someone prevented him from visiting again years ago. This is the first time they have gotten to talk,” Feyla slides his arm through the crook of his elbow. 

“They seem rather close,” Arthur says struggling to find something to say. 

Lady Feyla gives a noncommittal hum,” Yes, I believed Merlin looked to Farin as a father figure, still does perhaps,” she sounded sad, but the sadness seemed to be for Merlin rather than the bond he shared with her husband. 

“He said he never knew his father,” Arthur found himself saying, cursing himself for spilling something that was not his secret to tell, today was just not his day. 

“Yes, Merlin told us in his first year, I am glad he has had a friend in you,” her eyes sparkled with what could have been gratitude. 

“I am lucky to have one in him, my Lady,” Arthur answered honestly. Lady Feyla smiled again and Arthur’s heart twisted at the thought that he never got to see his own mother smile, except from a dusty painting in an abandoned wing of the castle until Uther found out and had the painting removed. 

“We are all lucky to know him,” Arthur had nothing to say in return, because while he would never admit it to Merlin, no one truly deserved the warlock. He was too good, his first real friend, that showed him there was more to people than their status. 

They continued walking in silence, but for the voices of Merlin and Farin and the excited chatter from the knights. Finally, they seemed to reach a garden with a pavilion overhanging the cliff. 

The pavilion had marble pillars with vines crawling lazily up the side with an oval table in the middle. Chairs were pulled out, waiting to be sat at with food ready to be served. Arthur’s mouth watered, he had not eaten anything since yesterday morning's stew. He hadn’t wanted to say anything for Merlin nor anyone else said anything and he rather didn’t want to step, figuratively, on Merlin’s toes again. 

Arthur waited till their hosts sat first before he did, eyeing the food. Farin must have noticed his gaze as he raised an amused eyebrow and Arthur had to fight not to blush. Thankfully, instead of being called out Lord Farin waved his hand in gesture, prompting servants to bring the food forward. 

To his dismay the food only held leafy greens and other vegetables, not a meat in sight. 

“Did I not mention Elves do not eat meat?” Merlin asked in innocence. Arthur glared because a smirk fell on Merlin’s face as soon as he finished speaking. 

“No, that was not brought to my attention, funnily enough,” Arthur gave a tight lipped smile, promising revenge. Merlin just smiled back and for a moment Arthur forgot about getting Merlin back as the smile hopefully meant he was forgiven. 

Still, Arthur was starving and barely hesitated before grabbing the vegetables. Arthur held in a sigh as Merlin had touched nothing, except that he had put something on his plate. 

Farin gave Arthur a knowing look and this must have happened before Merlin became king, not eating before he got what he wanted to know. Admittedly, it was a sound strategy as anyone who meets Merlin tended to try and get him to eat more, so not doing so would produce answers more quickly. 

“Merlin?” Farin asked, turning the group's attention to the two. 

“Farin,” Merlin nodded back, still touching nothing. 

“What have you come to ask?” Farin has a small smile despite his dry question. Merlin returns the smile like they are talking in a secret language known only to them. Merlin’s smile slips slightly and Farin raises a brow to with Merlin shakes his head. 

Arthur looks between the two with furrowed brows. Lady Feyla gives a shake of her head as she puts a hand on his to stop him talking. Arthur goes back to watching the silent exchange and is startled when Farin talks aloud. 

“If you are looking for the Lysandra she had come here but found no help here. She was last seen in the Cyfe Forest, headed for the Nava Mountains,” Merlin nods and begins to eat. Arthur feels out of his depth, he’s never heard of such places, he doesn’t like being in uncharted lands, at least uncharted for him. Merlin seems to know his way around well enough, maybe from his visits. Arthur will ask for a map later. 

The meal continues with more lighthearted conversations after that, and Arthur finds himself enjoying the Lord and Lady’s company. He hasn’t seen Merlin smiling as much as he is now, and the thought dims his. He can’t seem to remember a time before Merlin had come to Caerleon with his inquiry and coded message. 

He doesn’t remember the last time Merlin seemed to really smile since the quest had taken place. It’s nice, he thought, having Merlin look so carefree. If only for an hour.


	9. Daenys

Merlin sighed as he sunk down on the bed Farin had given him to rest. It was still early, the sun had not yet set, but Merlin was exhausted. He wanted a bath and long nap, sweating from the heat of riding for most of the morning and into the evening. 

As if reading his mind two elves came into his room after knocking, carrying a tub basin of porcelain and began to pour the heated water into it. Merlin occupied himself from staring by gathering the map that Farin had given him and Arthur after Arthur had asked. It held the territories from the Nelrion elves to the Cfye Wood elves to the edges of the mountain, having the map show what he needed rather than the whole of Isyanore as it was not wise to hold one map when they could be stolen by the wrong person. 

Finally, the sound of poured water stopped, looking up to find the elves gone as if they had never been there in the first place. Locking the door, Merlin striped and settled into the warm water, sighing in content, even as the chill of the porcelain counteracted some of the heat. 

He wished he had more time to spend with Farin and Feyla, but Morgana would not stop just so that he could catch up with his second set of parents. He resented the reason he was here, because of strife, instead of touring his kingdom for a couple months like he did after he was king, enjoying the traveling to see his people with the still tiny dragonettes. 

He lathered the soap in his hands, scrubbing his hands in his hair to get rid of as much sweat, dirt, and oil as he could, enjoying the feeling of getting clean. 

Part of him hopes Morgana is not under any spell, that her pride has not allowed her to back down from her revenge on Arthur. He doesn’t want to think that Morgause would do such a thing to her family, her half-sister, but her mind was warped after her mother let her be taken by the high priestesses, fueling her abandonment and not wanting her sister to slip from her fingers. But Morgause is dead, has been for over four years, if she was enchanted the spell she placed on Morgana would have disappeared, even on the object that she had used to anchor the spell, as control on one’s emotions needed constant fuel to keep the fire lit, whether love or hate. 

Merlin bit his lip as he finished rinsing his hair, moving the cloth from the side of the basin to lather the peppermint oil into it to spread around his body. 

He had no idea if the stone would work, whether to remove a hypothetical curse or help her think straight from the emotions she was pushing to the front of her mind, to at least let her listen to his words. Maybe he could ask Farin if he has a book about Gloine nan Druidh, or if he knew anyone who did. Maybe make a stop on their journey of the complete properties of the gem. 

Merlin leant his head back, resting his body as it relaxed further in the still warm water. He didn’t want to stay in too long, knowing the water was enchanted to stay hot, but he couldn’t bring himself to exit. The next thing Merlin knows is that his body is stiff as he opens his eyes to find himself still in the bath having fallen asleep. 

“I would have come sooner if I knew you would have fallen asleep,” a methodical voice said. 

Merlin sat up straight, instantly on alert, and very aware that he was naked. The figure comes out of the shadows to reveal a young elf Merlin knows is about his age, no matter that the elves are long lived unless they are killed by another, but he has known this elf for both of their short lives compared to that of other elves. 

“Daenys,” Merlin greets, smiling, not making a move to cover himself as the elf would not care. 

“Merlin, it’s been too long,” she whispers and Merlin can hear a little bit of bitterness in it. 

“I’m sorry,” not knowing what else to say. She shrugs as she hands him one of the towels next to a fresh set of elvish armor and clothes. Thankfully, she turns to look at the map Merlin left on the desk as he dries himself off and puts on the silky outfit of cream and silver woven throughout it. Merlin takes the time to see how Daenys has changed in the years they spend apart. 

The young elf has flowered in those years, her raven hair a quarter length of her mother’s with half her hair up in an intricate flower that looked like a rose. He had never seen an elf’s hair up, only long and loose, but he found he quite liked it on her. The gold circlet is the only thing betraying her status as Farin and Feyla’s daughter. She wore a white chiffon dress with a slit on the side, allowing her legs to be seen when she moved, the top laced with golden flowers and backless. Merlin’s breath caught in his throat, she was always pretty but age has made her beautiful. 

“Did your mother not teach you that staring is rude?” Daenys teases, smirk playing on her lips, but Merlin can’t find it in himself to speak. 

“Merlin,” She calls more tentatively, snapping Merlin out of his blatant staring. He clears his throat as he scratches the back of his neck with a faint blush. 

“Sorry, it’s just you have changed quite a bit,” Merlin fumbles, giving a feeble excuse to explain his earlier distraction. Daenys gave a soft chuckle like she could see through the lie, which isn’t hard, and he likes that she still knows him so well. 

“So, why have you accosted me in my bedchambers?” Merlin huffed in amusement. Daenys blushed, but quickly straightened. 

“Mother thought I should visit, you didn’t answer,” 

“So you let yourself in?” Merlin asked as he made his way closer to her. She turned to find him right in front of her, barely an inch between them, breath ghosting over each other. 

“What else was I supposed to do, I didn’t have the heart to wake you,” she whispered as if talking any louder would make the world burn. Merlin hummed, snatching the map from behind where Daenys’ back was and retreating a safer distance from the Nelrion elf. Merlin could hear her let out a breath now that they were not so close. 

“I was going to ask, where were you going. Father and Mother would not tell me anything,” after a few minutes silence, while he studied the map. 

“Why not?” Tilting his head, Farin and Feyla were usually rather forthcoming with information to their only child as future leader of Nelrion if her parents ever died. 

Sighing, she sat down on the edge of his bed,” I don’t know, they wouldn’t tell me, didn’t even give me an excuse, just said not to ask,” her mouth turning into a small frown that looked quite wrong on the usually strong-willed and stubborn elf. 

“That’s not like them,” Merlin acknowledged, coming to sit beside her, putting a hand on her shoulder. 

“Yes, well, I think they just didn’t want me to sneak out and come with you,” giving a small huff of laughter. Merlin smiled, that sounded about right,”not that them withholding information would tempt me any less,” Merlin gave a full laugh at that, head thrown back as he remembered bits and pieces of their childhood together, missing the fond look Daenys sent his way. 

“If they let you go, would you come?” Merlin suddenly blurted out, surprising them both. Daenys was quiet for a moment as she really thought about it, and giving a single decisive nod. Merlin knew she was an accomplished fighter, one of Nelrion’s best, and if he was honest with himself, he wanted her company, to get to know everything different and everything that was still the same about her. He doesn’t know where this sudden attraction to Daenys came from, but he finds he doesn’t mind as long as she will stay in his life, no matter the form it takes. 

Merlin finds that he might find himself trying to convince his second(but more like first as he barely got to know his biological father) parent to allow him and his company to take Daenys, his daughter, to travel with them as they search through the country. There isn’t much strife in the North, but enough from warring species that come for it not to be incredibly safe. Still, he has to try, not only for himself but for Daenys who should be privy to the information that might affect her, the land, and her future.


	10. Truths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so sorry it took so long. Writer’s block is awful.  
> Here now and hoping the next chapter won’t take almost three months.

The next morning was a blur. Merlin spent most of it convincing Farin to let his daughter, his only child, join the company that was hunting Morgana. He hesitated to call it hunting but that's basically what they were doing. He didn’t even know what they would do once they caught her. She was of magic and as such, it fell under him to sentence her if he could not reason with her. However, she had once been a citizen of Camelot as well, so Arthur would have to be a part of her trial. Even if she had changed her ways, enchanted...whatever had happened to her, she would have to deal with some kind of recompense. 

Finally, exiting the council chambers, leaving Farin inside; Merlin made his way outside. A cool breeze brushed his face while the sun shined in his eyes, making him look up and putting a hand up to shield them. The sun was high in the sky, meaning it was at least midday. He had been stuck inside for hours, negotiating back and forth until they could decide on a compromise in order for Daenys to come along. Merlin followed the sound of clashing steel, knowing Arthur would still be pushing the poor knights to the brink of exhaustion.

He felt bad for the Camelot king, he was facing an unknown world, quite unlike his own. He held his fear in well but Merlin knew Arthur better than Arthur did by this point in their friendship. Like any man, he feared the unknown and his way of dealing with it was to prepare for anything and everything, which was what he would be doing with his knights. Merlin’s knights too, now that he thought of it. Maybe he should save them from the training tyrant. Sure enough, Arthur had them running drills while the man himself was facing Lyra, causing the sound that was beginning to give Merlin a headache.

Merlin found a place to sit on the stone wall as he watched the elf that would come along with Daenys. He moved his hands unconsciously to his aching temples. He doesn’t understand why he was getting migraines, but he has a feeling it has something to do with when all this started like earlier the symptoms hadn’t been so noticeable besides that of a twinge of discomfort, or with Queen Annis and Arthur a sharp twist that made him flinch. He hoped they hadn’t noticed or that they would write it off as something that only happened once. It almost seemed as if the further he came into Isyanore, almost as if something or someone was painfully calling for him. Whatever the cause Merlin hoped it ended soon, he didn’t want to live in constant pain from an aching head.

“You alright there, mate?” Gwaine asked, startling Merlin into hastily and reluctantly removing his cool fingertips from his forehead.

“Of course,” getting a dubious look from his first knight but Merlin ignored the concern. “Arthur giving you a break?”

Gwaine snorted, letting Merlin relax a little at the sound even if he knew Gwaine would not let it go so easily.

“Gods no, I was mysteriously absent until you showed your face,” sharing a grin with Merlin who had no doubt that Gwaine had purposefully avoided the king he used to serve when such similar occasions occurred. “Which I happily let the others take my place to be your first knight as I now make up the training schedule,” beaming as Merlin couldn’t help but laugh. When he had given the title to Gwaine he did not realize at the time that it meant the normally drunk knight would now be in charge of his best fighters. He had no conscious worries that Gwaine took his job seriously when needed and they had become as good as Camelot’s knights, if not better. Not that he would tell Arthur such a thing lest the king necessitate a competition and pout if his knights and he were bested or be insufferable if on the slim chance that he did win.

“How have they been?” Merlin asked.

“Who? The knights?” Gwaine questioned, brows furrowed. Merlin nodded, it had been a while since he had conversed with his knights, caught up with Farin, Feyla, and Isyanore now that they were here. Not to mention Morgana who seemed determined to haunt his waking and sleeping hours. It made him feel guilty for pushing his sister and brothers in arms aside on this quest and Aibek. He had sent the dragon to the Silent City that had been plagued by disease and curses that caused the kingdom to become a wasteland that no one ever survived entering if they came out. The land fell into legend but Merlin had Aibek search for it anyway, knowing the danger and hoping that being a dragon would negate the effects.

If anything happened to Aibek he would never forgive himself. He had watched the last year and a half as his dragons grew to be so strong and caring. He loved them all but Aibek has always been the catalyst that calmed the storm that was her brothers and sisters. Now that he was looking back he felt as if he had been ignoring her. Adding Daenys now felt like he was pulling himself in so many directions, spreading himself thin until he shattered and Merlin knew it would be catastrophic once he did. He couldn’t see a way to balance his duties between his knights, Arthur, Aibek, Gwaine, Daenys, or Morgana.

“Merlin?” Gwaine called, shaking Merlin out of his head once again that throbbed dully. Merlin couldn’t tell if it was because of all the thinking or whatever was happening to him.

“I said they’re fine. Mira’s been given a hard time as the newest member and quick to set straight anything else. They’re alright, Merlin, they don’t need your constant attention. If they did they would not be knights anymore,” clapping Merlin on the back as he sent a worried glance before leaving Merlin by himself to save the knights that looked to be dying by this point if Arthur didn’t stop now. Probably why Gwaine was leaving in the first place.

Grinning, Merlin followed after Gwaine, ignoring his aching head, as they headed for Arthur and Lyra. The closer they got Merlin could make out the elvish style of swordplay that was visibly causing Arthur to struggle. He would have laughed at the other king if he didn’t know better, the man most likely taking it as a challenge to see if he could do better and Merlin didn’t need to fight the elf to know he wouldn’t win. He was quite happy to keep his amusement to himself if only to spare the embarrassment that would come with his defeat, no matter how good natured it would be. 

“Oi, I think that’s enough!” Gwaine shouted, the Emlet knights dropping to the ground as if their invisible strings have been cut. It caused a chain reaction of some of Arthur’s knights to follow suit, except a few who knew better. It caused Arthur to look up at the sound of Merlin’s first knight, letting his guard down enough for Lyra to pull her leg out and swipe Arthur’s knees, making them bend and unbalancing the Camelot king. Arthur fell, expression dumbstruck and thunderous as he scrambled to his feet, eyes targeting Gwaine. 

Gwaine for his part merely grinned before running off, a screaming and red faced Arthur trailing behind. Merlin grinned, letting his knights know they could take a break and giving a pitying glance to Camelot’s and letting them get water too. Fair was fair and Arthur would get a talking to. Especially if his fighters were too tired to defend themselves when it mattered most. 

~

“So, Father said I could go,” Daenys spoke, exiting from behind the shadowed corner of a pillar, startling Merlin. 

“Uh, yes…” Merlin said as soon as he calmed his heart. He had been on his way to question Arthur, one of the maiden elves having spotted the dejected king in one of the gardens. This was a surprise to find the elvish lady hidden, seemingly waiting for him to pass by. Not an unwelcome surprise though. 

“He says I have to take Lyra with,” the elf said, giving him a pointed look. 

“It was either her or you don’t go at all. I figured one extra person was better than you not coming. Are you saying I was wrong to agree?” Merlin asked, raising his brow in mock question. He knew Daenys too well to be fooled that the single condition would bother her...much. She huffed but didn’t refute his statement. Merlin took that as a win for him and continued walking towards the garden because as much as he enjoyed the elf’s company he needed to check on Arthur. Daenys seemed to have made her own decision, choosing to follow after him. 

“Where are you headed?” She asked. 

“Shouldn’t you already know seeing how you jumped me?” Merlin countered. She gave a glare but Merlin was used to more heated ones and was unaffected.

“I didn’t jump you. I was waiting, there’s a difference and I heard you talk to one of the maidens but not why you were going to the gardens.” She admitted. Merlin nodded, happy with the answer. 

“I’m trying to find Arthur, see if he’s alright. A lot has happened in a short span of time.” Merlin shrugged, not knowing how to put into words his worry. 

“Alright, just be sure. Sometimes people just need space and time to figure things out on their own, Merlin,” giving his shoulder a soft squeeze and a kind smile before heading back the way they came. Merlin was glad she could sense that this was something private for only the two kings to discuss. And normally Merlin wouldn’t mind her being there but he wasn’t so sure Arthur would open up to him if she was. 

To be truthful, Merlin was worried Arthur wasn’t taking this whole thing well. Sure, he showed a calm and determined front, but that’s all it is, a front. Merlin was just rolling with everything, not giving himself a chance to process everything and if he wasn’t then he knew Arthur wasn’t either. It made him feel guilty. 

The hunched shoulders of the Camelot king proved that Merlin was right. He was sitting on one of the benches overlooking the lake that stretched almost as far as the horizon. The balcony hung off the side of the cliff and if one were to jump they would meet a watery grave. 

“Arthur?” Merlin called, not wanting to startle the man into pulling out a weapon. In almost an instant the hunched figure straightened, back rigid, and Merlin knew his expression would be carefully blank. It made Merlin sad that he would put up a front with him, but he supposed a lifetime of being told to hide one’s feelings didn’t just go away. 

Merlin sat beside his friend, looking out at the water that sparkles in the afternoon sun, the breeze ruffling both of their hair. He waited for Arthur to speak first, otherwise he wouldn’t be getting anything out of the man besides aggravation. After a short while, Arthur’s shoulders slumped and he sighed. 

“How are you not affected by any of this, Merlin? How do you make everything look so easy?” Shaking his head, refusing to look at Merlin as he asked. The questions were ridiculous, Merlin was affected and nothing was ever easy for him. 

“I’m not and it isn’t, Arthur. You of all people know that,” putting a hand on one of the other King’s shoulders. “I do what any knowing person does and categorize what takes priority and find a solution that hurts the least, even when it breaks my heart.” Talking of much more than just this quest with Morgana. Merlin had learned from an even younger age than Arthur that his wants had little place when he could have been killed for something as simple as wanting a flower and magically growing one if the wrong person found out. If his mother would get to eat in the winter depending on the harvest, he would try to sneak some of his food onto her plate without her notice, but never successfully. He had vowed to think about the consequences, true he had grown lax in the years since Will had found out and his mother having him leave his old world behind for an ever more frightening one. 

But he never broke his vow but once to help those who needed him, even when it caused him grief. 

Arthur’s laugh startles Merlin out of his head and he has to wonder why everyone seems to be able to do so. The laugh is a little bitter now that he pays more attention and Merlin feels slightly out of his depth.

“At least you can do something more, I...I just feel so useless, Merlin. All I know how to do is wield a sword and rule a kingdom. I don’t know how to do magic or much about it. I’ve read what books Geoffrey saved behind my father’s back, but I don’t know anything about this world...your world.”

And Merlin sees it, the feeling of being alone and afraid. As Morgana was when Merlin turned his back on her, he listened to others who feared, their advice bias, instead of his heart. He didn’t think about the consequence of his silence, thought she would get over it and try to be normal. Instead, she turned to Morgause and became embittered with Uther, with Arthur...with him. He had felt helpless as he watched her betray her friends and loved ones, he felt a bit helpless now as he watched Arthur brood in silence. But he would stick to his vow, now. Write what little he could from the wrong he had dealt Morgana. 

“Then let me show you,” Merlin said, after minutes of debate in his head. Standing, hand outstretched for one person that felt like two, different times conjoining into one moment had Merlin taken the leap before. Arthur hesitated, but accepted, getting to his feet too and giving Merlin a small smile. A smile filled with hope that Merlin wants to nurture and let burn brighter. 


	11. Open Eyes

Arthur wasn’t quite sure what he was expecting when he accepted Merlin’s offer, but it was not this. Laying in the grass of the nearby garden, just breathing, was not what he had in mind when Merlin said he would help Arthur understand magic. He didn’t know what he had been expecting though - maybe growing a tree or riding a dragon or even turning day into night. Not… not this.

“You’re thinking too loud,” Merlin teased from beside him. Arthur would have rolled his eyes if Merlin hadn't had him close them, so he settled for ribbing the man. An ‘oof’ satisfied him and he took another deep breath, searching for something, something that Merlin said he would know when he found it. Whatever that was supposed to mean.

Arthur knows Merlin has taught others, so he does know what he’s talking about, but Arthur’s pretty sure he doesn’t have magic. And if somehow he did, he was sure it wouldn’t be enough to even spark a flame.

“What am I looking for?” Arthur sighed, getting annoyed, they had been laying down for at least half an hour and Arthur was sure he had other things to do. Even if he wasn’t sure what; he would find something. 

“Basically your soul. Everyone and everything has magic, Arthur, even if you can’t see it you can still feel it, even if you don’t know what it is. Uther could never truly get rid of magic, otherwise he would have had to kill himself too. Try starting with your fingers, follow the tingling sensation until you reach the heart of your soul, that is where the magic resides in you,”

Sighing, Arthur took one last breath before concentrating on the tips of his fingers. It took a few minutes to understand what Merlin was talking about, it was faint but it was there. Arthur followed it, slowly so as not to lose the feeling, until he felt it flow towards his stomach and branch out to the rest of his body.

“I think I found it in my stomach,” he told Merlin, and then he felt something else. Foreign magic intertwining his own. It felt warm and smooth, yet like a rushing river. Powerful, it felt powerful and Arthur knew it was Merlin.

“Alright, you can open your eyes,” Merlin sounded, and Arthur did. Blinded for a second as his vision was gold before it muted to the greens and rainbow he was used too.

“What was that?” Arthur asked, breathless.

“What was what?”

“When I opened my eyes, everything was gold for a second,”

“That was the magic in everything, Arthur. I’m surprised you saw it after reaching your magic for the first time. Usually, it takes years and years of study before even the High Priestesses are able to do such a thing,” Merlin grinned and Arthur couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him.

“Really?” Merlin nodded, and Arthur couldn’t help but feel a little bit smug. 

“What else?” Arthur asked, eager to see something else because while Merlin would do the occasional parlor trick in Camelot he never really showed off his magic, rarely using it even when Arthur or the knights encouraged him. Sometimes, Arthur thinks, in the privacy of his own thoughts, that Merlin is afraid he will change his mind about the warlock’s magic like he had years ago. Arthur had not been proud of that time in his life without Merlin, he had missed his best friend more than he let on to the others. He was trying to make it right still, but it was discouraging sometimes when Merlin only seemed to let his magic out for Gwaine.

Merlin’s laughter brought Arthur out of his head, laughing alongside his friend as Merlin helped him up and started running away. 

“Merlin!” Arthur yelled, throwing his hands in the air as Merlin continued to run and laugh. 

“Come on, Arthur!” The warlock shouted back, running backwards until Arthur shrugged and ran after the fool. It had been a while since the Camelot King had seen his friend look so carefree and Arthur didn’t want it to end. He watched as Merlin turned back around, speeding up, faster than Arthur, and turned a sharp corner. It had Arthur cursing as he backpedalled in order to follow after. He had no idea where Merlin was taking him, but he knew Merlin had partially grown up here, surrounded by Elves and magical forests and lakes, and would lead them where they needed to go.  
  
It was always strange to hear about the Emlet King’s past, the memories held close to the man’s heart. Arthur didn’t dare ask, their relationship was still made of glass some days, where Merlin’s eyes would glaze over and he would lose himself in his mind. Those were the days that Arthur didn’t try to make much conversation, the words returned stilled and not all there. But those days were few and far between and they would joke and laugh with their friends, but Arthur still didn’t ask about everything Merlin had done, like Merlin had respected his past and not asked either. 

Merlin stops abruptly, forcing Arthur to skid to a halt, almost bumping into him, had the warlock not moved a step forward to avoid collision. Arthur huffed, as he watched a lazy grin spread on the former manservants face. 

Merlin then turned to the right, Arthur followed his gaze to a short building, that was always universally the same in any dimension apparently. 

“What are we doing at the stables?” Arthur asked, eyeing the birch and marble building with trepidation. He wouldn’t put it past Merlin to make him ride a griffin or whatever the equivalent to the beast would be here. Merlin didn’t say anything, worrying Arthur more, not that he showed it, as they walked inside. It was spacious, more so that the outside would suggest, with at least forty prize bred horses of all different colors. Arthur spotted Merlin’s horse Eclipse, her having a personality to match her rider, and beside the midnight black charger…

A dragon. 

More specifically, Aibek. Arthur had wanted to ride a dragon since he had seen Merlin do so almost two years ago and ever since, but now that he knew what Merlin wanted he was changing his mind. Much happier to stay on the ground. As his old nursemaid had said “If man were meant to fly we would have been born with wings”. Arthur was inclined to agree. 

“No,” Arthur found his voice to disagree as Merlin started to drag him towards the pair. 

“Yes,” Merlin argued, nodding and ignoring Arthur’s valiant attempts to stick his shoes to the bottom of the floor, cursing his waxed soles and the marbled floor that let him have no traction. When they got close enough Arthur could make out the sharp scales, piercing as any dagger, the sound of her moving giving off waves of chafing metal on metal. Arthur wished it could have been one of the more friendly looking dragons like Cosmina or maybe Aithusa. He had nothing against the moon goddess dragon, but she didn’t look very comfortable. 

Merlin finally stopped tugging as they reached the horse and dragon, grey steel eyes roaming over him lazily, assessing, it made Arthur hold his breath as he watched her stretch and yawn. Arthur turned to find Merlin leading Eclipse out of her stall, her tack in his arms, Aibek getting up to follow. Arthur hoped, in vain, that he would get to ride the dark beauty and not the dragon. 

Arthur reluctantly followed after, his hope going out the window as Merlin finished strapping the leather under his horse and climbing up. 

“Why do you get the horse?” Arthur couldn’t help but pout, giving an apologetic look to the dragon to hope she didn’t take offense. 

“Because I’m not the student who wants to learn more about magic. And as your teacher you must do what I say,” grinning mischievously, Arthur wanted to groan but held it in as he cautiously mounted Aibek. 

“Don’t worry, Arthur. Aibek is the sweetest of the bunch, you’ll be fine,” Merlin reassured, giving a soft smile and Arthur felt like he could believe the other king, but not entirely. 

Arthur didn’t get any warning as Aibek suddenly jumped, wings spanning out to full mass and flapping to gain altitude. Arthur gave an unmanly yelp that he would deny if Merlin dared to say a word about it. He hugged Aibek’s neck tightly, careful not to poke himself or hurt the beast. 

“Arthur, open your eyes!” Merlin shouted, mirth evident in his voice. It made Arthur pause in his cursing to wonder when he had closed them, hesitantly opening them. Arthur let out a breath, air stolen from his lungs at the sight that greeted him. A laugh slipped out involuntarily, but Arthur didn’t mind, taking in everything his brain could process. The sun was just setting, oranges and pink and purples shadowing the land. The mountains that settled in the east felt reachable and the land concourable from the new height. Arthur gave a grin to Merlin, a silent thank you, which was given freely in return. He didn’t want to go back to the ground. 

Thankfully, Merlin seemed to realize and winked before heading down, Aibek staying in the air. 

“Thank you,” Arthur whispered, putting his hand on the side of her neck. 

“Your welcome, your majesty,” Aibek returned, startling Arthur as it is the first time she has ever spoken, at least when Arthur is around. She laughs softly at his wide eyes, warning him to hang on before she twirls until Arthur is hanging upside down. Arthur almost loses his grip, but Aibek has him right-side up before it can fail. He grins, asking what else she can do. 

He spends the rest of the day up in the air, until both dragon and man are exhausted and ready to sleep like the dead. 

~

A knock interrupts Arthur’s sleep, his dreams full of flying. Arthur sighs in relief when it stops before the door is thrown open; Arthur knew it was too good to be true. 

“Up, Arthur. We’re leaving today,” Merlin announced, ripping the sheets from his grasp he had foolishly hoped to be able to hold on to. 

“No good morning, Arthur. I’ll let you sleep in today, Arthur?” The Camelot king mumbled to himself, slowly getting out of bed so as to annoy the younger man. Merlin snorts, making Arthur know he did hear his snipping, though king’s didn’t snip. 

“Sorry, morning Arthur. Slept well?” Merlin asked, in mock care. Arthur heard a snicker, eyes following the sound of Torry packing his clothing and other essential items he had put in the room while Merlin was eating breakfast, a second plate to his right. 

Arthur perked up at the sight, the smell reaching his nose, it didn’t have any meat but it still looked good. 

“Where are we headed?” Arthur asked, picking up his fork to spear the fruit on his plate, mind switching to their quest. 

“The Cyfe Forest, oldest Wood in the North,” came the reply, picking at some green mush on his plate which Arthur avoided on his own. 

“And how old is old for the North?” He didn’t know anything about these woods or this place, he would rather his knights and him not to go in blindly. 

“Old enough, Arthur. Most of the Elves from the dawn of the land have been slain, but Feyla’s grandfather is the only one I know of that is still alive,” Merlin retorts, completely ignoring Arthur’s gaping mouth. 

“T...their i-immortal?!” Arthur sputtered. Merlin gave him a look that makes Arthur feel like a buffoon, though he knows Merlin doesn’t do it on purpose. 

“Not immortal, long lived. There’s a difference,” the Emlet king responses with. Arthur nods, brows furrowed. He supposed that made sense. 

“Right, anything else I should know about magical woods?” Arthur wondered aloud. 

“They're not all the same,” spreading the green mush on some of the bread. “But the Cyfe Forest is a bit protective of itself, naturally.”

“Protective how?” Arthur asked, warily, he didn’t like where this was going. 

“Nothing serious or harmful,” Merlin shrugged, slathering more gunk on his bread. 

“But how?!” Arthur shouted, frustrated that Merlin was being evasive. Arthur opened his mouth to try again when Merlin stuffed his weird toast into his mouth and forced his mouth shut. 

“I’ll see you outside when you're ready, Arthur. Don’t take too long!” Laughing as he left Arthur’s chambers. Arthur grumbled to himself, absently chewing the food Merlin had put in his mouth, pleasantly surprised that it was quite good, putting his own green mush on his bread. He would have to ask Merlin what it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Props to anyone who figures out what the green mush is.  
> I can go either way with the food myself.


	12. Entity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my beta is not responding and I gave them three days, meaning this chapter could have been out already, so I did it myself and I hope I fixed any glaring issues. If you spot any let me know and I’ll go back.  
> Sorry for the delay, hope you enjoy!

Merlin felt the hairs on his arms prickle as they made their way from the entrance of the forest. He had meant what he said to Arthur, the wood wasn’t dangerous, but that didn’t mean it was free from other creatures who hunted here. It still made Merlin feel as if he was being watched, eyes tracking him, making him feel like prey. No one seemed to sense it but Merlin, the knights joking with each other while Arthur conversed with the elves, Daenys and Lyra. A dark shadow blurred past and Merlin felt himself stiffen, eyes darting this way and that to see if he was just imagining it. He forced himself to relax as hours passed and he saw nothing further, it didn’t stop him from feeling on edge. 

A hand touching his shoulder made him jump, looking around wildly until he met the startled eyes of Daenys. “Are you alright, Merlin?” she asked, concern evident from how her eyes softened, letting her hand fall back to her side. Merlin nodded, a flush creeping up his face as he realized he had freaked out over nothing.

“Sorry, I just have this feeling like something is watching us,” he felt himself shiver, though he knew he wasn’t cold, was in fact sweating, as he held the elf’s eyes. He felt himself get lost in the emerald pools, having to drag himself out before he missed what she said.

“I felt something too, Merlin. I’m not sure what though,” her admittance made Merlin feel slightly better to know that it wasn’t only him that had felt the presence of something.

“Do you know there is a story about these woods?” Daenys asked, getting the other’s attention. Merlin shrugged, grinning as he watched everyone except Lyra shake their heads, glad for the distraction. “My mother’s grandfather told me the story. A long time ago The Ghillie Dhu roamed the forest, content with their land, happy to let the other races fight over territories as long as they stayed away from theirs.” She waved her hand, golden sparks rearranging to form images of the giants who danced and grew their community. “One night every hundred years a fire lit the sky, setting the heavens ablaze in brilliant greens and blues, the forest glowing.” The images changed as they rode to show what it must have looked like back then.

“A warring race saw and rallied to the forest, coming upon the celebration the Ghillie Dhu held and taking them by surprise. The race, Ala, was greedy, having quickly conquered the neighboring territories without The Ghillie Dhu’s knowledge. The natives fled as the first of their brethren died, leaving the Ala’s the land they once called home. The once noble race bound to wander until they hear of a sanctuary from the Ala, protected by the Zduhać. They were sworn enemies, forever fighting as they led the refugee races to safety.” The gold showed caves that filled with hundreds of species, and what Merlin assumed were the Zduhać who stood sentry. “Eventually The Ghillie Dhu knew it could not continue and rallied the normally warring races to unite and take back the land from the Ala.” The sparks changed to show the moss caped humanoids standing tall, obviously speaking to the listening crowd.

“Within a month a plan was made and ready to be set in motion, the oldest species that had come under the warrior sentry’s protection offered what they knew about the Fay creatures. Slowly, they made their way to the forest of The Ghillie Dhu, waiting for the cover of night to move.” The image showed the creatures in the trees and camouflaged on the ground as they waited, shifting until the forest became illuminated. “A hundred years had passed since the forest people had lost their home and they used the sight the plants would have to their advantage. While the Ala were distracted by their greed the rebellion had surrounded the group, hands clasped together as they spoke ancient words given by the Elves to banish them to another realm.” The sparks settled into moving images, the Ala showing fear as they tried to escape the circle only to vanish in smoke until there were no more left.

“Are there any left?” Arthur asked when it was clear that Daenys was finished, the gold sparks fizzling out.

“No, King Arthur. They are gone, along with the ones who performed the ritual.”

“How?” Merlin questioned, it wouldn’t make sense for the casters to disappear with their enemy.

“They needed an anchor to keep them in the realm, the anchor was their lives,” Daenys answered, giving Merlin a small smile. He returned it, mind going elsewhere.

“It’s just a story, though,” Daenys admitted.

“All stories are based on something, even if the only part is as simple as a stone someone had seen,” Merlin countered, shaking his head. “Feyla’s grandfather told you the story for a reason, whether it was history or a lesson.” Daenys nodded, eyes a bit bewildered but Merlin didn’t pay attention, his head feeling as if it was splitting in two.

“Merlin!” someone called, but Merlin didn’t hear it, wrapped in his bubble of agony.

“ ** _...rys…_ **” Merlin gasped, the voice sounding of fire, burning into Merlin’s lungs and stealing his breath away. He vaguely felt his head hit something hard, maybe wood maybe dirt before he was pulled under.

“ ** _...ys...I’d like a word,_ **” 

“ _Who are you?!”_ Merlin yelled, sure he was in his head as the vast blackness reminded Merlin of when he closed his eyes to fall asleep. Cruel laughter echoed from everywhere and nowhere.

“ ** _No one important to you, Emrys. Important to Isyanore and The Lysandra,”_** the voice still made him feel like he was burning from the inside out, but his mind made the connection quickly.

“ _Morgana! What do you want with Morgana?!”_ Merlin demanded, uneasy filling his mind as he searched the darkness even though the rational part of his brain knew he would find nothing.  
  
“ ** _Nothing really, she’s just going to help me do something and in return...well, I can offer her something she will never say no to,_** ” The voice laughed again, like some kind of inside joke they delighted in only them knowing. Merlin racked his brain for something but came up empty.

“ ** _The Great Emrys stumped and confused. How little great figures change. Always the hero...and yet are you really the hero? What defines a hero, Emrys? Nobility, honor, chivalry, perhaps. No! I know! Dumb luck,_** ” They snarl the last words, sarcasm dripping heavily, it makes him shiver. Merlin gets even more confused, but he doesn’t want to let on. 

“ _Why do you say that?”_ Merlin goads, trying to keep the creature talking to learn something.

“ ** _No, no, no, Emrys. I’m not like the other evils you fight, I’m not evil. Something of mine was taken from me you see, but it’s not what I want,_** ” Their voice eerily light.

“ _Sounds an awful lot like revenge to me,_ ” he responds with, getting that laugh again.

“ ** _Nothing that petty, Emrys. I am above such things,_** ” it paused as if considering before they speak again. “ ** _But let’s say for entertainment that it was for revenge, would that make me an evil person or a neutral person who had simply been wronged?”_** They ask, it catches Merlin off guard but he quickly recovers.

“ _It depends on the wrong that was committed. Was it a wrong perceived by you? Or the supposed wrongdoer?_ ” Merlin questions.

“ ** _Very good, Emrys. Not so dumb after all, but that still doesn’t make you clever._** ” It makes the warlock want to roll his eyes, getting impatient, and worried about his friends with him being unconscious.

“ _What do you want?!” Merlin yelled, trying to keep calm, it was half the battle._

 _“_ ** _Something of mine,_ ** ” They answered, seemingly amused. This time Merlin did let his eyes move, crossing his arms. “ ** _I’ll show you, let you try and right your wrong with the girl at a place lost to time. You have until the summer solstice,_** ”

“ _That’s only a fortnight away! How am I supposed to find something that is lost to time?!_ ” Merlin shouted, finally showing his frustration.

“ ** _I have given you everything you need, Emrys,_** ” their voice fading before Merlin woke with a gasp, hastily sitting up, and knocking his head into Gwaine’s. Merlin groaned, hands coming to his temples as he tried to blink the spots out of his vision.

“Merlin, what happened?” Arthur asked, but Merlin felt as if he had rung bells in his head, the question coming much louder as it reverberated around his skull. 

“Not so loud,” Merlin whispered, using what little strength he had in his arms to keep himself propped up. 

“Terribly sorry, Merlin. Not like you just suddenly shouted and fell off your horse three hours ago!” Arthur responded dryly. Merlin could tell he was angry, but the anger was just his way of hiding his concern so Merlin didn’t take it personally. 

“Well, I’m fine now,” he got unimpressed stares from everyone. “Mostly…” he added lamely. 

Arthur threw his hands up as he walked away, the knights following his lead until it was only Daenys and Gwaine that sat beside him. 

“What happened, Merls?” Gwaine asked, having stayed silent until he could interrogate him, himself. 

“Something is after Morgana too,”

“Something?” Daenys asked, latching onto the more important part that had taken Gwaine longer to figure out if his furrowed brows were anything to go by. 

“Yes, I’m not sure, but they sounded old and they want something,” Merlin shrugged, dragging his body back until he reached the trunk of the nearest tree. The others followed, leaning their heads closer so their voices didn’t travel. “And we have until the Summer Solstice to find this place if we want to prevent it. They want to use Morgana for it, whatever it is,” Merlin recounted everything he could remember from his and the beings' conversation. 

“A place lost to time? Why can’t anything be simple?” Gwaine groaned, dramatically putting the back of his hand to his forehead. Merlin laughed, something he needed, laughed until Gwaine and Daenys joined and his sides hurt. 

“Gossiping, Merlin?” Arthur asked, handing out bowls of stew. 

“No, but I do need to tell you something, Arthur,” the group sobered as they waited for Arthur to sit, looking highly confused. Merlin would have laughed had he not been so worried. He told Arthur the abridged version he gave his other companions, biting his lip as he waited for Arthur to speak. 

“Say something,” Merlin prodded, anxious as the minutes passed. 

“You're an idiot, Merlin,” Merlin rolled his eyes at the very Arthur-like answer. 

“Why am I an idiot now?” Merlin questioned.

“Because _Mer_ -lin, you still think you have to do everything alone. You hid your headaches and think everything is on you. It’s not. Somehow you got me to believe that but you won’t let yourself believe it too,” Arthur cuffed his head in emphasis. Merlin smiled, something small and secret, and nodded in agreement. He couldn’t let himself fully believe Arthur because Morgana was his fault, he had taken Kilgharrah and Gaius’ advice as law, he hadn’t listened when his heart broke as he ignored her pleas. He let her think she was going insane, effectively turning his back on her and into the arms of Morgause. Merlin doesn’t blame her for her hatred, he understands, some days the guilt liked to overwhelm him from all of his mistakes. Morgana will always be his worst.

A snap of a twig interrupts Merlin’s pity party and he follows the sound with his eyes. It’s dark, but Merlin can make out the shape of Daenys just outside of the campfire. He wonders how long he had been in his head as he finds himself alone. He stands, planning on joining her when his head spikes and he sways, hands flying out blindly to catch himself on a tree. He closed his eyes, breathing deeply to try and take the edge off.

“ **_Hurry, Emrys...Time waits for no one,_ **” They sounded and Merlin cursed his inability to keep them out. This being felt like a parasite, clinging in his mind like black tar, no matter what he or his magic tried. He straightened quickly, hoping no one had noticed his weakness as he trudged to the other side of the camp. Most everyone was asleep, Daenys and Lyra keeping watch on opposite sides. 

“Hello, Merlin,” Daenys greeted without turning around. Merlin gave a small smile as he settled beside her, eyes joining in looking for hidden threats. 

“Do you know anything about a place lost to time?” Merlin jumped in, he was too anxious for small talk. 

“No, generally when something is lost to time, not even stories remain,” she glanced at his direction but Merlin pretended not to know she was seeing his slumped shoulders and agitated shuffling, seeing the worst of him when he can’t figure something out. He gets frustrated and lashes out, often with his words, though only at himself. He’s just self-destructive that way. 

“We can start by following Morgana’s trail. If what they said is true, maybe they are guiding her to them, essentially guiding us too,” Daenys suggested, fingers reaching to lace themselves with Merlin’s and he’s helpless to do anything but stay and let her.  
  
He doesn’t know where this affection came from, one moment he’s hoping to not be alone forever by a fountain in a lone garden, scared of them leaving. And the next, Merlin wants to spend all of his time with this elf that he hasn’t seen in almost twenty years, something small that seemed like ash with the tiniest ember kept aflame, his hope. His hope that he won’t walk the Earth alone, just maybe the weight of his waiting won’t crush it. The single ember steadily growing into more of a single well lit flame, not yet a bonfire, but Merlin doesn’t think it will take long. 

He only realizes he’s been staring at her for far too long when suddenly she lets go of his hand, sword coming out of her scabbard. A mighty roar startling the birds from the trees and waking the whole wood. 


	13. Something in the Shadows

Arthur startled awake, scrambling into a defensive position. His and Merlin’s knights are in similar positions to his own, while forming a loose circle to protect one another’s back. Arthur joins them, head turning to find Merlin and the two elves they had acquired. He found Lyra first, dual katanas made of some kind of purple metal, at the ready. 

“Merlin!” Daenys voice cut through the silence as they waited and Arthur rushed to the sound. He was greeted with the sight of Merlin on his back, elbows scrambling back as the creature advanced. He gulped as he looked up to see the full size of the giant wolf, teeth bared as it stalked closer when Merlin tried to flee. It looked more feral than anything Arthur had seen, trails of black smoke coming off the creature steadily. 

“Don’t inhale the smoke!” Someone yells, maybe Lyra, a battle cry echoing off the trees as a blur strikes at the flesh of the wolf. It seemed to anticipate the attack as it jumped back, snarling but never letting its eyes leave Merlin’s form. He would have thought more had he not decided to join in the assault once he snapped out of his shock, keeping in mind the warning about the smoke just in case it was deadly. The only problem was that it was too quick, each slash a hair's breath away from hitting its mark. 

Merlin had finally found his feet once the wolf was suitably distracted by defending itself, but Arthur quickly lost sight as something furry and thick whacked him upside the head hard enough to see stars and land on his back. The breath was knocked out of his lungs but he tried to get them to work as he rolled out of the way of the thing’s claws. Gracefully jumping to his feet, and beginning a vicious streak of attacks. A whimper and Arthur knew he had hit the creature at last, only it didn’t seem to slow it down, just anger it further, leaving Arthur on the defense.

A shout and the mighty beast fell on its side, going still, but breathing. Arthur cautiously turned to identify who had done it to find Merlin, clothes slightly torn about his shoulder as one hand held it and the other limp at his side. Arthur didn’t notice though and pointed a finger at the man.

“Why didn’t you knock it out in the first place?” Arthur cried.

“I was a little busy,” Merlin retorted dryly, a grimace of pain flashing over his face as he moved towards the wolf. It was then that Arthur noticed the blood flowing between Merlin's fingers as he held them over his right shoulder. He felt like an idiot for not realizing his friend was hurt, but Merlin gave a small smile like he knew what he was thinking and telling him not to blame himself. The trouble is, he does. He’s felt like the worst friend this entire quest, him trying to help ends up with him saying the wrong thing or doing so. It frustrates him but he knows not what else to do in this strange land with these even stranger beings. He’s brought out of his thoughts by Merlin.

“What's a shadow wolf doing in the Cyfe Forest? They don’t come this far south,” he asked, obviously talking to the elves since none of the others in their company know what such a thing is.

“No idea, Merlin,” Lyra answered. 

“I’ve never even seen one before. They like the freezing temperatures in the mountains, so they wouldn’t just come down here without a good reason,” Deanys added. Merlin nodded, before closing his eyes and placing his hand on the wolf’s massive head, Merlin’s hand being dwarfed, and whispering something. Everyone seemed to tense, hands going to their swords they had put away waiting to see if it would attack. The wolf whined, gathering itself back on its legs and calmly walking away.

“What did you say to it?” Mira, one of Merlin’s, questioned. She was shaking slightly but Arthur had seen that she had held her own during the battle.

“I prayed for quick healing and a clear mind. They’re intelligent beasts, she was just scared, so I eased it a bit,” he shrugged, like being able to tell that the wolf was female and had been so scared it acted out on blind fear was normal, but maybe for Merlin it was. The man had always been so intune with nature and any animal back when Merlin was his manservant that it hadn’t crossed his mind that it could have been magical in nature.

Merlin hissed and the stunned silence ended as Daenys helped support Merlin to his bedroll and began cleaning his wound. It was an ugly and raw red, thankfully not infected yet, the lacerations stood stark against the paleness of the rest of Merlin once he took his shirt off. Arthur found a seat by the fire with the others, everyone too wound up to fall back asleep, and he couldn’t look away from his friend’s bent head next to the elf’s. They looked good together, Arthur could admit, as he watched Daenys laugh at something Merlin had said, a proud smile curling onto Merlin's face. It felt natural and peaceful...it made him miss Guinevere.

His wife was expecting their first child after four years of marriage, neither having been in a hurry for more than the two of them, but Arthur found himself loving the idea of their child before they were even born. She had brought it up first, wanted to start _really_ trying, and Arthur had worshipped her even more. Arthur felt pride for her, being seven months along and he would be lying if he didn’t want someone like Guinevere for Merlin. He does regret being away from her, but once Merlin had sent him that letter she had urged him to go, saying Merlin would drop everything (even if he was in the middle of a war) to help him. How could Arthur refuse his queen’s logic when she said something like that (he would have gone without the pep talk either way).

Arthur looked up from where his gaze had turned to the fire, found almost everyone back to sleep, Merlin half sitting upright against the tree by his bedroll and Danys’ head resting on his good shoulder, Merlin’s head resting atop hers. He smiled to himself, he didn’t know much about the elf but he liked the way she could make Merlin’s whole face light up, the weight on his shoulders lessening visibly when she was around. 

No, he rather thinks Merlin has already found his Guinevere too.

~

Arthur didn’t sleep, taking watch for the rest of the night. His adrenaline had long faded but he didn’t feel an ounce of tiredness, though he knew he would be regretting it later. It didn’t stop him from feeding the flames until they were merry and settling the leftover stew to heat for breakfast. The smell making his stomach growl in anticipation of the food Daenys had made last night. Apparently, he wasn’t the only one as others shifted in their sleep until they had fully awakened and made their way to the fire. 

The only one who did not wake was Merlin. He still looked much too exhausted, dark circles under his eyes even as he rested. It made Arthur wonder if they were a new development with this quest or if they had been there for longer. He could recall with a sharp clarity the strain of ruling a kingdom by himself that made sleep impossible as there always seemed to be something more important that needed his immediate attention. He could only hope Merlin knew better than to put his health below something that could wait at least a few hours from all the years watching Arthur, but the back of Arthur’s mind told him it was a foolish hope. Merlin looked after everyone else first and himself last, it is what makes him a good king and an even better man, but Arthur wished he would see that he needed to take care of himself in the process. 

Arthur was pulled from his musing by a groan, head snapping to find Merlin attempting to push himself up, gingerly holding onto his shoulder that he apparently forgot he had hurt. His eyes blinked owlishly and slowly, narrowing from the brightness before his body seemed to slump into itself as if all of Merlin’s energy had been drained from him. Rolling his eyes to hide his concern Arthur stood, collected a bowl of the soup and made his way to his former manservant turned king. 

“Here, you look about to faint,” Arthur said, drawing his voice to sound amused. 

“Ha, ha, Arthur. You try getting clawed and using enough energy to drain you and feel great enough to skip around after,” Merlin muttered sarcastically. It made Arthur’s heart clench that bringing that creature down had zapped Merlin of what seemed to be the rest of his power, it made him wonder about what else lied in wait in this land if a wolf took most of Merlin’s energy to just put to sleep. 

“Are you alright?” Arthur blurted out before he could stop the question from forming out of his mouth. Merlin tensed, but relaxed before he opened his mouth, not letting him interrupt. 

“You know Arthur, I’m stronger than I look, the only reason it took so much was because she had a strong will of her own, an innate magic that protected her from sorcery, i'll be fine in a few hours,” Merlin rested a hand on his shoulder with a small smile, using Arthur’s body to pull himself up and leaving him to join the others at the fire. Shaking his head, Arthur walked after him.


	14. Regret

Merlin was exhausted but he didn’t let it show, he didn’t need everyone worried about him. This quest was pushing his limits already and he wasn’t enjoying it. He’s been having headaches, was informed that Morgana was back after two years of silence, had put his hand on magical ice long enough to bleed, had Arthur yell at him. That’s not to mention having his mind invaded with an ever ticking deadline and almost mauled by a shadow wolf. The only bright side to any of this was that he luckily had not gotten a concussion from falling from his horse.

Speaking of horses, two had run off and Merlin was forced to share Eclipse with Arthur, who offered his to one of his knights while the other rode with Mira.

“Would you stop moving Arthur!” Merlin shouted, finally having enough of the Camelot King’s squirming, he was sure it was annoying Eclipse too but she was too nice to throw Arthur off the saddle.

“Could we just stop for a minute, you haven’t let us for hours,” Arthur almost whined, Merlin knew he was close though. Sighing, he asked why they had to stop and Arthur had gestured towards the bushes. He pinched the bridge of his nose and called for the party to halt. He watched as Arthur practically fell off Eclipse and sprinted off to where he had pointed.

Amused, Merlin shrugged off his mare too and took a sip of his waterskin.

“Why didn’t you let us stop earlier?” Mira asked, having brought her own charger closer to feed an apple to while she conversed. Grinning, Merlin shrugged, he wasn’t about to let her know that he knew Arthur had a call of nature and was just petty from all the times Arthur had done the same to him.

“How was I supposed to know he had to go?” Merlin asked, making his eyes widen slightly in mock-innocence. Gwaine snorted from Merlin’s other side and he glared at the knight. It had no effect on the man who calmly took a bite out of his apple. Getting an idea, Merlin nudged Noble to move so Gwaine ended up unbalancing from where he was using his horse to lean against. The nearby knights laughed and Merlin gave a sweet smile back as it was Gwaine’s turn to glare. He relented and helped the man up, who took it and tried to unbalance him, luckily he didn’t succeed and was simply dragged back onto his feet.

“Didn’t you say the forest protects itself?” Sir Garett asked, he had a small smile but he still looked around uneasily.

“Yes, but we haven’t gotten very far in and it’s mainly if you do anything to harm it. As we are just passing through it would have no reason to get upset,” Merlin spoke gently, hoping to calm the knights who were now shifting uneasily on their feet. Garett nodded, but it didn’t seem to reassure the knight as much as he had hoped.

Finally, Arthur came back but he looked slightly more pale than he had when he left. Merlin passed it off as unimportant and settled in Eclipse’s saddle, Arthur joining him slowly.

“Are you alright, Arthur?” Merlin whispered as Arthur called for them to keep moving.

“Perfect, why wouldn’t I be?” Arthur whispered just as quietly back, he was trying to sound indignant but Merlin could hear the undertones of nervousness.

“If you’re sure,” Merlin relented, it didn’t seem as if Arthur was going to tell him, he wondered if it had anything to do with the others that were around or if Arthur simply didn’t want to tell him.

An hour passed before anything exciting happened, if one could count hearing a scream exciting. Everyone quickly dismounted and headed for the source, but Merlin had a bad feeling about it. Still, he marched forwards with Arthur on one side and Daenys on the other. They came to a stop when they reached a clearing with a lone orange tree sitting in the epicenter. The closer Merlin got the more his head ached but he focused on something that caught his attention, the tree was leaking red sap. At least it looked like red sap.

Arthur reached out to touch it but Merlin swiftly held his arm back.

“Are you insane?! You do not touch the mysterious substance without knowing what it will do!” Merlin hissed, letting Arthur’s wrist go when he looked suitably chastised. The scream sounded again but being so close to the tree Merlin knew it came from it.

“What is it?” Gwaine asked, coming to a stop beside Lyra who had spaced out and was looking at the orange tree with narrowed eyes.

“It’s a blood orange tree,” Daenys said breathlessly but did not offer further explanation. Merlin used magic to levitate one of the many fruits that hung from its branches and sliced it open. Indeed, though the outside was a brilliant orange, the inside was a deep red as if it was dried blood that was somehow still wet.

“I’ve never heard of such a thing,” Arthur mused from beside Merlin, he had taken the other half of the fruit in his hand before Merlin could stop him.

“Arthur!” Merlin jerked the orange out of his hand with his magic, not touching any part of the forbidden citrus. “What part of don’t touch anything did you not understand!” he growled, having his magic clean off the juices that stained the King of Camelot’s palms quickly.

“Obviously you need to be more specific,  _ Merlin!  _ “ Arthur bellowed back but his face still showed his confusion. Vaguely, he noticed everyone else’s bewilderment too but he couldn’t stop to explain. Thankfully, Lyra stood up while Merlin made sure he got rid of the residual magic of the tree from his ignorant friend.

“The blood orange is a sacred fruit eaten by none, what your companion did was foolish and he could have risked upsetting the forest had Merlin not acted quickly enough. We are fortunate, though for how long remains to be seen,” Merlin watched out of the corner of his eye as the knights shifted uneasily and he suddenly wished they had a smaller party.

“ **Be careful what you wish for Immortal King, you may yet get it,** ” the entity cackled and Merlin growled back in his mind but found they had already disconnected and was left with a sense of foreboding. He would take his thinking back if he thought it would do any good but the chance was too slim for him to hope it would make a difference.

“We need to keep moving,” Merlin found himself saying, body moving on auto pilot as his mind raced with secenios, each more horrific than the last. He would never admit it out loud but this thing that has infected his mind somehow, scared him. No, terrified him. He had no idea its agenda or why it had contacted him at all. It could have stayed silent while they tracked Morgana, revealing itself then. So why now? The more he questioned it with an answer he would never get the more his head ached and the stirring in his gut told him to be wary.

“Merlin!” a voice sounded, grabbing onto Merlin’s bicep. It snapped Merlin out of his thoughts to see Arthur giving him a concerned look. 

He swallowed before clearing his throat, “What?”

“Where are you taking us?” It startled Merlin and made him look around to find them at the edge of the Cyfe Forest and the start of the valley to the mountains. His eyes widened and frowned as he wondered how much time had passed. The feeling of foreboding had still not gone away and Merlin warily moved the horse to keep to the outskirts of the luscious valley beyond.

“Merlin, you haven’t answered my question!” Thankfully, Arthur avoided the subject of why he was sticking to the shadows of the trees as much as possible and instead badgered him.

“I have a funny feeling about it is all, Arthur,” Making sure to keep most of his uneasiness out of his voice lest one of the others hear. The Once and Future King’s eyes widened and he nodded, looking subtly more alert than before.

They hadn’t made it far before the earth started to tremble, the horses shifting to remain balanced. Merlin watched in horror as the roots of the trees burrowed out of the ground, limbs swiping at the horses. Merlin had trouble controlling Eclipse, the horse normally calm in distressing situations, and let her take the lead in his shock. She took to the air but Arthur was yelling to be let down. 

“My knights are still down there! Merlin!” Arthur yelled, looking ready to jump down if he had too. Merlin swiftly got Eclipse to dive down but it was too late. Half of Arthur’s knights were down off their horses, being tugged into the woods by the roots of the angry trees. Merlin and Arthur descended into the chaos as the ones still standing slashed against the bark, barely managing to keep them at bay. 

Merlin saw Daenys nod and he took off after Arthur. He watched in fear as Arthur froze, looked with wide-eyes for two of Arthur’s knights were strung up, roots having taken hold of their throats and a gaping hole where their heart used to be. It was a gruesome sight but Merlin was quickly distracted by a third person strung up. It was Sir Kay. 

Grief welled up in Merlin. The knight was barely twenty but his life had already ended. With a flash of anger he cut all the knights down and collapsed by the boy he had grown very fond of so quickly. The outside world disappeared as Merlin laid Kay’s head in his lap and let his fingers brush his eyes closed. A sob broke free and he put his hand over his mouth to hide the sound. 

He rocked the boy’s body that used to be so full of life and clung to him. Merlin remembered how much energy the boy had, begging him to be a part of Emlet’s knights. It was his dream, just like Lancelot. Kay reminded Merlin of Lancelot and it crumbled Merlin’s walls. He had let Kay in, given him a family in Merlin and Hunith. Merlin hated himself for letting Kay come along. 

A warm hand settled on his shoulder and he startled, opening his eyes that had somehow closed and let them fall on Arthur. He held sympathy and his eyes were glassy but he was not crying. Merlin didn’t feel shame for crying at the loss of Kay. He felt empty but he hauled himself to his feet. Looking ahead to find the remaining party there, battered and bruised but alive. 

“Why did the trees attack all of a sudden?” Lyra asked, her posture spoke of sorrow and Merlin did a head count. 

Gwaine was alive but he had a thick line of blood trailing down his face and was favoring his left side. Daenys had blood soaking her hands but it did not seem to be hers. Lady Mira, whose only injury looked to be a twisted ankle, shook her head and Merlin knew before he had to look that another had fallen when Merlin had abandoned them for Arthur. Merlin did not see Sir Tors or Sir Garett. Lyra had slashes in her armor but none seemed to have pierced through her skin and she was leaning heavily against one of Arthur’s knights, his only remaining knight. Arthur’s knight was named Sir Nathan and he was the least harmed out of them all. 

In his hand he held a forbidden fruit. Merlin’s eyes hardened as he tracked the juices that stained his hands and chin, leaving no question as to whose fault it was to the trees attacking. 

“You!” Merlin pointed his finger at the older knight, stalking up to him and sneering as he ripped the orange out of his hand with magic, it was only half of the blood orange but there were chunks missing from the center that displayed his guilt for all to see. Merlin heard the elves gasp and Arthur growl behind him. Heard Gwaine and Mira draw their blades again when Merlin felt himself tackled to the ground, head hitting hard rock instead of just dirt. It made him see stars for a second. 

Merlin tugged until he was on top. Wrestling with the older knight. He punched the man. Again and again but was dragged back by Gwaine and Arthur before he could do more than knock Sir Nathan unconscious. He got a kick to the knights side before he was too far away to attack, spitting at the ground by the man’s feet. His magic raged inside of him and he felt ready to explode but he kept it in. They did not need to lose another life and Merlin refused to be the one to take it no matter how much his magic wanted too. 

When his friends released him he collapsed to the ground and sobbed. Let himself have this moment for Kay and Tors and Garett. He owed them that much. Daenys sat by his side as his magic unconsciously dug his friends graves for they could not turn back to give them a proper one but he would honor them all when he got back home. He wished he wouldn’t need to. Lyra made grave markers, neither Merlin nor Arthur in the right headspace to do it themselves, even his magic seemed reluctant to make their death real with words. 

They stayed near the graves for the night, no one in a hurry to leave quite yet. Merlin kept watch first and no one argued but he knew no one was likely to fall asleep until they physically could not keep their eyes open. They had tied Sit Nathan to a tree—the man thankfully still unconscious—and Merlin settled for burning holes into the man’s head. He wanted to know what the older knight was thinking, what made him take the fruit when Merlin specifically told them great danger would befall anyone who touched them let alone ate it. 

The man made a liar out of Merlin. Merlin had promised the Forest was not a danger but the forest had come alive, not the animals or creatures, but the trees. He made a liar out of Merlin. Made him question if Arthur would still trust him to lead and keep them safe. Merlin didn’t feel like he could. They had been nothing but attacked since leaving Nelrion and he wished Cheryth had come with. But the elf had stayed and Merlin felt more alone than he had in a decade. 

His eyes watered but he was sick of crying. He wanted to be home and as childish as it was he wanted his mother. His mother who would know what to do, how to help him heal, and how to guide him to living with this for the rest of his life. He knew that Kings held their people’s lives in their hands but Merlin had had no need to ready his army and waste human and creature lives to a senseless cause that Merlin himself saw no reason for. He had not stained his hands in his people’s blood from afar but he had done so now. And he had done it carelessly. 

He wished for his mother, he wished for Aibek who left to keep his mother updated, and he wished Morgana had never come to Isyanore. He blamed Morgana. He blamed Sir Nathan. He blamed the nameless entity. But most of all he blamed himself. 


	15. Little King

Merlin hesitated to put the inked quill to the parchment. Finding himself at a loss for words. He needed to write to his mother, informing her of Kay’s death along with Sirs Garett and Tors’ families. He needed to send the now riderless horses back to Nelrion at the closest, and Emlet at the farthest but it would just make the horror of the situation more real. Merlin needed to deal with Nathan, the man already stripped of his title by Arthur, needed to send him somewhere as they could not trust him to remain with the quartet as they continued on. 

The ink dropped onto the paper instead, impatient in waiting for Merlin to turn his feelings into words. He needed to write a personal apology to both of his fallen knight’s wives and children. For getting them into this mess, for rushing in blind, with only the knowledge that it was Morgana’s trail they were following. He knew they would not blame him, they would tell him they both died in the service of protecting their king but Merlin was nowhere near them when they fell and he would feel that guilt with his never-aging breath. 

Taking a deep breath, focusing on this one letter, for now, Merlin started his downward stroke of the quill where the ink had dropped and began to write. 

_ Dearest Mother,  _

_ I write to you so soon with sorrow in my heart and despair clouding my judgment. I thought this quest would be easy, a simple point A will lead to point B if one were to walk in a straight line. I let the fact that it was Morgana blind me. Let myself underthink it, mayhaps overthink it too.  _

_ I ask for guidance, I ask for forgiveness so that perhaps I may forgive myself. I ask for strength and courage. I ask for magic to show me what to do. I ask that you not think less of your son for what I must tell you.  _

_ Sir Garett and Sir Tors are gone, for I fear I cannot even write the word that is really needed. I will have attached their families' letters of condolences along with the one I am writing now. I loath to admit more but you must know.  _

_ Sir Kay has also fallen. I know what he has come to mean to you...to us both and I hope that you will not blame me more than I already blame myself. I do not think I could bear it if you did.  _

_ Arthur is alive as are Mira and Gwaine but any others have been slain as well. Nathan has betrayed us all and is the reason I have to write. I hope one day to find contentment against him at the least so I may rid myself of my anger for why he has put us through this day.  _

_ My most sincerest love, _

_ Your Son, Merlin _

Sighing, Merlin set the quill down as he quickly but sincerely filled out all three letters. There was no family left for Kay but he had Merlin and his mother to remember and mourn him. He melted the wax and stamped his crest on them and gave them to SilverBane to keep safe on the flight home. SilverBane was of no use without a rider and would be more in the way than help no matter what the stubborn charger wanted. The only horse that would stay was Sir Garett’s horse Caspian, a dapple grey Pegasus. Sir Tors’ crystal white Ivory joining SilverBane, who seemed to be mourning her own rider as well. 

“We need to keep moving,” Arthur’s voice drifted to where Merlin sat in his tent. 

“Do you think we should move on so soon?” Mira, he recognized, sounded conflicted but Merlin did not want to hear more. He made his way out of the flaps and was greeted with silence, obviously not supposed to have overheard their conversation, which Gwaine also seemed to be apart of. 

“We leave at first light,” Merlin interrupted, meaning clear that he had overheard their discussion and was not best pleased to not have been included. 

“And what of Nathan, Merlin?” Gwaine spoke up for the first time. 

Merlin hesitated before he came to a decision, “He will be knocked out for almost a day, I can have Cheryth meet SilverBane halfway through their journey to make sure he is imprisoned until a day when he can be arraigned.”

The others nodded at this decision and Merlin took the spare moment to draw in a shaky breath. Without his notice, stew had been made and he was being handed a bowl. He was not very hungry and ended up simply swirling by the contents of venison and leek until a vacuum filled the center and dragged them down. It matched his mood perfectly, a swirling storm of emotions in which he could only name three though there were more he was too frightened to identify. 

“ **_Little king, have your goddess’ taught you nothing. Reality is bitter and cruel and fate cares not but to get to its end,”_ ** the entity was mocking and Merlin growled, jumping up from the log he had perched himself on and disappearing back into his tent for the night. He could not deal with twenty things at once it seemed. He paced as the stinging sharp pain receded slightly when he felt the being’s presence leave him once again. Frustrated, Merlin wanted to throw something but refrained lest one of the others come to check on what he had done. 

Morrígan decided their fate, that much was true of what it said, no matter that Arthur did not believe in his gods, and she would handle who died. Though he only wished she could have spared his and Arthur’s people from the slaughter of the other night. He wanted to scream about the unfairness of fate that  _ It _ had so cruelly reminded him of. To curse his goddess though he knows she does not care, nor control all of man’s fate. Only the battle-weary warriors that take her interest when their lives are forfeit. 

**~**

Merlin blinked his eyes open just as a sliver of the moon took advantage of the gap in his tent to shine on his face. He was confused, wondering when he had fallen asleep. He took a moment to grab his sword before he swept himself out of his bedroll and into the fresh air of the night. He knew he would not be finding rest for the remaining hours of darkness. 

The company was all asleep, probably from one of the spells they had decided to use to allow them to all slumber without fear of someone or something sneaking upon them. Merlin paid it little mind as he left the safety of the camp to find solace in the quiet nature around them. 

He found a small creek and sat on one of the nearby boulders, finally letting some of the tension ease out of his shoulders. The trees danced around him leaves shivering as the wind blew through them, moonlight filtering through in the zephyr’s wake. The creek burbled happily, almost as if from a small child that took delight at having been found from its hiding place. It was so peaceful, so different from the last few days that felt like months of non-stop war, where the fighting only dragged on until finally, Merlin’s arms and legs would give out from under him. 

He felt like he was walking in one large circle where no matter what he did he always ended back at the beginning, trudging through mud that thickened the more he walked the circle. 

“Emrys,” Daenys greeted, gracefully sitting beside Merlin after he shifted to the side to allow her more room. “It is alright to struggle with what has happened.”

It was whispered so softly Merlin almost did not hear her but he did. He broke, sobbing into his hands until they were gently pulled away, his body brought into hers. He clung desperately to her, one hand in her hair and the other fisting her silk shirt around her arm. He could make out some of the nonsensical words of comfort as she tried soothing him by running her hand through his hair and squeezing him around the middle. 

The tight hold kept him grounded but not enough to where when he squeezed his eyes shut to try and stop the tears his mind flashed to Kay’s face after he was impaled all over again. His unguarded agony hit him like a wave and he clutched tighter and buried his head in her shoulder. 

Merlin lost track of time. Eventually, his cries grew silent and he only heard the wind and creek. Heard Daenys’ heart as it fluttered in her chest and he hesitantly removed himself from her embrace. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled, embarrassed slightly to have her witness his breakdown but not of the emotional turmoil, never that, if it honored his friends. 

“Do not apologize, Merlin,” she said softly, brushing the leftover tears off of his cheeks. “Men who have been through less than you have been crippled by what they have seen and done. Have let their emotions erupt out of them for fear of being seen as weak to those they love. Please, do not let yourself become them,” her voice wavered against her request but that just motivated Merlin more to show Daenys that he would do as she asked. He would always do as she asked. 


End file.
